
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Break Down..

Monday, April 6, 2009
Fool's Day!
It was late summer's night, when I opened my eyes after a bad dream. I checked my clock it was 3:15 a.m this means I had 4 hours more to sleep. I drink a glass a of water as I felt a little thirsty and then I lied in my bed again closing my eyes reciting quaranic verses. Just then I felt vibration of my cell-phone.I checked it was ' Ehsan calling.. ' blinking, I picked his call up;
' Hello ' My voice was a bit heavy I could hear it..
' Hey dearie! Why up so late? ' I was about to ask the same..
' You called to ask this.. Well dunno why I am up guess had a bad dream.. Why you are up? doing assignment? ' He always liked my way of asking so many things in just one sentence..
' Was.. yeah was a bit with this and that with assignment to.. still its left .. forget it.. I called to.. I wanted to say something.. ' I was hearing him but guess was not listening to him.. when he stopped i had to ask..
' Err.. whats that ,, tell go on ' I asked him..
' Listen you wont mind na.. I mean whatever I am gonna say you wont take it wrong.. Our relation wont be effected by it.. right na..' ( What he was up to?) I was unaware of what he was talking about but got worried on this disturb tone of his preamble start..
' You are OK Ehsan? ' I asked .. though my tone was not at all caring...
' Well i wanted to say.. ' He was stopped again.. God What was wrong with him..
' Ehsan if you are willing to say it then you better do it now.. else I am going to bed.. ' I touched the limit of rudeness this time as I was damn sleepy..
' Okay! Here I go.. I .. ! ' He left in the middle again...
God! This was surely the limit I ended the call.. Was turning my cell off when it ringed again.. He was calling again so had to pick up..
' Baby at least listen to.. ' He said in a sweet cuddling voice.
' I will listen if you just say what you want to instead of prefacing .. ' I was hell pissed off.. What the hell he was up to..
' I..' He was about to say anything just before that I felt I should warn him once and for all before he mess with things again.
' Dare you leave things in between now.. Say what you want too as after that I need to sleep.. '
' I just wanted to re assure you that I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU and ERRRRR I mean.. I am Sorry I disturbed you ' He was quite right after saying these lines , but now me was at peace. Its so good listening these magical words from him full of emotions and love..
' I love you too.. now go to bed and sleep. See you tomorrow.. okay bye' I hung up the call.. Took my wallet out and looked his photo ( I love you) I whispered..

Its 4:00 a.m and I am still up. Tomorrow is !st of April and I planned with my friends that I will fool her. I planned I will tell her that I want to break my relation off with her but when she picked up the call and I heard her heavy voice full with sleep I don't know why I stopped. Something trembled inside me, something stopped me saying what I meant too. Each time I started a sentence something in my forced to stop and it made her angry.. I wanted to say what I planned but then only her picture came into my mind.. She in her night suit with cell-phone in her hand near her ear and tears fallen from her beautiful eyes. And this image of hers made me stop every time. I couldn't bare her crying all because of me. So I decided I wont tell her but then only she got pissed off and ended the call. The devil in me urged me to give it a try again, who knows this time my planned could be success. And I called her she was hell pissed off, angry with me and I opened my mouth but instead of saying what I planned I said what I shouldn't. I told her six magical words which she loved to hear from me in my voice the most. I told her that I LOVE HER & I MISS HER. Her tone was off a sudden changed, it was now soften and full of emotions. She returned me my words and ended the call. Was my love for her was that strong that I couldn't bear even image of her with tears in her eyes, YES I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.. SO MUCH.... =)
- illusiOn~
Sunday, April 5, 2009
I Hate You Even More...

I was hell pissed off since last night thinking hard about PAKISTAN and its future. I hate those filthy people whose hands are involved in this thing. While I was thinking what made people do this just then only i thought what we are doing with relations given to us. As I look at my surroundings I see pain, fights, sorrows and breach instead of love in relationships. Why its gone the answer remains a question mark for me. If we can give sorrows to our loved ones, relation in we r bounded either by God or by ourselves then why an unknown cant give us the pain of losing our loved ones!
I don't mind saying I am disturbed because of PAKISTAN as I feel proud that I can feel the pain not just that I can see it. I don't know how much others will agree but changes starts by the word "I". And I want to change the future of Pakistan. I am not in any party but I want to do all I can for the sake of PAKISTAN but I don't know why every other person is so okay with all whats happening.. But I WANT PEACE .. I NEED CHANGE!!! I HATE TERRORISM STOP THIS.. STOP THIS KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ON DIFFERENT NAMES ... PLEASE!
-illusiOn~
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Too Good To Be True ! ( The journey continues)
For previos blogisode click :hereThree days later it was FRIENDSHIP DAY. Everyone waited for this event almost every year as it was high time for students to make new friends especially the new ones. Angelina, when entered in class was startle, watching pupil talking in groups with bags lying on shoulders. She was expecting a scold for teacher as she was late then usual but here the situation was entirely different of what she thought. Calming herself down she moved towards the only girl she knew in class 12 yr old Kate, who was standing with few more students of her class having hand full of colourful bands.
' Hey! Kate..' Angelina patted her shoulder from back
' Hey Angel! Happy Friendship Day.. gimme your hand let me make you wear this ' Without noticing surprise on Angelina's face Kate made her wear a band, hand-wrist band of blue-green-and light pink shades.
' Geek .. Thanks but all this for what.. I... mean whats going on? No class ? ' Angelina couldn't hold her questions back.
' Don't you know! All classes are cancelled. Girl! it's "Friendship Day" . Good time for new comers like you to know your fellows better.. You have to do nothing, just select a person whom you want to be friends with and offer her/him this band.. person then needs to be your friend..simple and yes same goes for you, if someone offers you, you have to accept it ' Kate explained it well to Angelina but she still was confused with this new event as she never had it in previous school.
' Hey guys.. here comes Anderio .. Gosh look at him ' Somebody shouted. Angelina glimpse Anderio, he was wearing a white shirt and black pair of jeans. He was coming straight to her but why? ( he wants to be friends with her ? ). She was waiting for him to come to her and ask for friendship but when only she saw him turning to a gang of students ( his friends.. she guessed). She was preoccupied by his thoughts so she was unable to hear a voice behind her back.
' Hey! hello ' A Chinese guy was there, standing behind her back with an uneasy expression on his face.
' Hi ' She said affably.
' I am Casber Mand ! ' He introduced himself, so she had to do it too.
' Oh! I am Angelina Grace ' she said with a grin on her face.
' Can we.. .. ' He stopped his sentence in middle, his expressions changed from excitement to fear, she turned back to look what made him stop and saw Anderio standing with hands fold on his chest.
' Emmm Catch you later's.. Bye! ' He quickly said and left the place leaving her startle on his sudden leave..
(What was wrong with him? ) She wondered just then Anderio came closer to her.
' Hey girly! ' He said in a cheery voice.
' Hello! ' Angelina felt the soreness in her voice but he seemed not even noticing it.
' Happy Friendship Day! ' He hold her hand and made her wear a Red, black striped band with 'ANDERIO' written boldly on it.
' Happy Friendship day to you too' She returned the greeting, feeling no choice left.
' So where is my band? ' He was getting too frank right on her nerves so she gave him a gray black stripped band given to her by Kate.
' Let's go for a walk. Will show you school! Have you seen it before? ' He offered and she agreed.
They walk in corridors of school as classes were cancelled. Side by side they walked and he, Anderio talked.
' We are three brother, I am the second one. Having one sister, youngest of all. We live near the lake side & you guys? ' He gave her a brief a introduction of his family.
' Well.. I am the only child of my parents though I have half-sisters and brothers, We live near the mountain side ' In return she without even recognizing what she was saying she shared her biggest secret with him which she never did in past.
' You live with.. ' He started asking and then he left it in middle leaving it incomplete ( he was unaware of how much she hated incomplete sentences )
' I just moved with my father and step-mother with their kids as my mom wants to get married to her boy-friend and he rejected the idea of me living with them but I am happy with it as its better living with Dad ' Once again she shared what she shouldn't.
' Oh! I am really sorry to hear that ' His voice was full of concern.
' No! I mean don't be.. Err.. that's okay. I just don't know why I shared it with you I mean I never shared it with anyone not in family not with friends even. Don't know why I shared with you.' She said in a lower shaky voice that made him feel how necessary it was to change the subject immediately.
' So can we be best friends? ' He tried diverting her mind towards himself.
' Sure.. fine it is as long as its fine with you too ' Angelina could see excitement on his face.
' So .. from now on for me you are ' Alpi ' and for you I am....' He was thinking of something while she was thinking how easy it was talking to him..
' For you I am... ' He was still thinking of a nick for himself when she suggested..
' Andi ' This nick suddenly came in her head..
' Fine with me but remember these nicks are just for me and you.. No one else can call us by these names right Alpi ? agreed? ' He conditioned
' Done Andi ' She said with a broad smile on her face not knowing that she smiled after a long time. ( This guy surely knew how to bring smile on faces..)
To Be Continued...
Enjoy!
Take A Step Ahead!

I was fagged and sweaty, after work so I planned to sit in balcony with cup of tea. Since morning weather had been nice and chilly wind was chanting my ears. I am happy? Was I? that's the question always echoing in my mind. I don't know meaning of happiness or I must have forgotten it like I used to forgot my lesson when I was little. But why no one know slaps me, punish me when I am not happy? Why no body notices that I am no more happy.. Is it because nobody have time or is it because I am not important but how its possible that I am not important for a single person in this big world? Where my friends are? Do I have to tell each time how I am? how I ma feeling? Is there no need of just checking by how your friend is? These questions sometime.. they bug me a lot.. As I finished my cup of tea I stand up and viewed the match happening down the lane, there I saw a little cute boy going towards each elder boy I guess they were not letting him play and he wanted too just then I saw he rushed towards the ball dived and caught it .. all the boys clapped and just after that he let him in their team. I don't know why but this event effected my heart and I wrote these lines;
Down the lane,
I saw you with wish to play,
While I was sitting in a cafe,
But elder ones wants you away,
Your heart was now not in your hand,
It had betray,
All of a sudden you caught a foray,
All of them shout a hooray,
And they all accepted,
you as a mainstay!
All you have to do is to say,
As no one holds for you a tray!!! (written by me)
Its impossible that all time you have someone to keep a check on you, to check if you are doing fine or you are not. So next time when you need someone all you have to do is ask for help as asking for help is not a shame..
-illusiOn~
P.S( We often feels nobody cares about us but its never true as all is about saying .. you have to express what you feel in honour to be listened and to get a company)
I am?? ( the "I" factor )

I am what? This is now a question to me.. As no longer I believe anyone .. Its hard feeling so down, so depressed with knowing the reason i feel as if my hands are tighten up with a rope sitting on a chair without knowing the reason of becoming a hostage I feel myself as a coward.. Why I cant take a stand when I will be old enough to.. And whats the guaranty if I once gets older I will do what now I wanted too? When my turn will come.. Each time I search for a new road I find myself taking a U-turn and coming back to same.. STOP THIS.. Or LET ME END THIS... What if i never get a achance to get older? What if time never give me an authority to take an stand? I WANT THIS TO END..

The truth lies,
beneath my lie,
yes i mistrust you,
and so i must die.
-illusiOn~
P.S( Nothing is wrong with me these are just my thoughts..)
P.S.S( Take it just as a writting.. )
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Excellence Awards 2009!

# Mr. & Ms. Consistent @ Lounge (Poetry-Hindi/Urdu): Insya, Uzra
The second nominee was for Chotee ustaad which i shared with;

# Chote Ustaad @ Lounge: Insiya and Heena(Gulzar).
I am so very very happy guys THANK YOU!
-illusiOn~
(For more visit: http://weandwords.blogspot.com/2009/03/acclaim-applaud.html)
