U-TURN.. odd..

I never understood what U-TURN means. A stubborn like me, needs a great potency to accept mistakes of my own. Things went difficult to me while going through the pathway which lead me to no where but sometimes its good having no idea of destination. Lost in a big world with loads to seen or learnt but most of the time we panic though our destinations ARE always uncertain.

Anyways, I was talking about U-TURN. I always seek things that are unvalued or devalued or you may say are ignored by people. I am equally complicated as any other person of my age could be, the difference is I accept that I am complicated. Its was not same few years back. I too loved fantasy, dreams and every other thing wait wait let me clear I still dream, I still live and enjoy better then anybody else. What change is the U-TURN. Things changed, my priority and my existence, everything changed as I took a U-TURN. I was on a road of loneliness a U-TURN made things a little different now I am independent. I was on the mode of sadness a U-TURN made me happy. Can I always take a U-TURN.???

- illusiOn ©

Food of Soul & Mind .. BOOKS..

 

Well Ladies & gentlemen ! Zong [ Sab keh do ] sponsored the 5h International Book Fair in Karachi.. Its open till 14th of December 2009 I wish I could go again. I was hell excited to be a part of it since the day I saw a bill board. I shared it with my sis and we both got ready. I reach there at 2:30 and I came back at 6:15 but believe you me this time was not enough for me. When books are up to infinity I believe people like me never want to leave the place. Why the hell  there is an EXIT door. Cant they make arrangements for us, crazy book lovers to stay up all night. With a warm light and tea.. Oh common We will pay for tea for sure. Ok! coming back to Expo centre, Karachi a vast area, a huge one. Exhibition took place in 3 halls HALL 1, HALL 2 & yes HALL 3. Now I went to the HALL 2 first, why may be because it was right in front while you have to take a left and a right for HALL 1 and 3. Hall 2 had LIBERTY, PARAMOUNT and other famous publishers and book dealers from Karachi. Hall 2 took our major portion of time, it was yes big and had loads of books.

Paramount and Liberty both gave discounts and they had extra low prices for books they thought had now no space in their shelves.     [ I am really sorry about the picture as people were continuously moving and I was helpless not authorized to stop them not for a single second, not just for click from such distance ]

 

After almost 2 hours we left for Hall 3 and 1 consecutively, didn't enjoyed it much. We had a tea there and then we left. I hate EXIT door still I had to pass through it. When I left it was beautiful sunset, some clicks are below..

- illusiOn ~

..

I did it again. I screwed things and then I behave even more aggressively. I don't know how to control things and get over them. I just cant forget what happened or I may say that I am discontent. I want to show contentment but I am unable to. I really what I am going through. And what makes it worst is the behaviour of my surroundings. I know I am complaining as this the only thing right now I can do.. I dont know man though I want to have a solution.
Anyways I am planning to go to a Book Fair [ I am writing this all late night so wont be able to write tomorrow na] Any how its the 5th International Book Fair I hope I will be able to grab some pictures.

- illusiOn ~

Back door Thoughts ~

 

 

It was 3 in the morning when I finally decide to leave staircase on which I was sitting since 2 hours. Deeply drown in my own thoughts, feeling sorry for my own self and  having bad thoughts for him. The lamp above was lighten and was giving a dramatic effect. Unsatisfied me I stand there and I gazed the sky. Weather was clear but no sign of stars. A moon yes my moon it was there as usual . I remember my mother who made me sing ;

‘ Chanda mamu door k,
Pooray pakain bor k,
Ap khain thali main,
Bachon ko dein thali main,
Piyali gayi phoot,
Chanda mama gaye rooth,
Nayi piyali lain ge,
Chanda mama ko manain ge..

Translation:

Have you ever heard it from your mothers? Well I did and I guess all of them in my family we still when see sky and off course the moon our ‘ Chanda Mama ’ we think about it and enjoy.
Life I don’t why is treating me with a hard n fast rules. It keeps on changing very fast, so goes for the rules. I try to cope up but I guess I am still too young to play with time and its accessories like luck,fortune and timing. I left the house but before I move on further I turned and glance back. It was an average built house grey coloured, black gate and a name plate. I love homes rather then houses as I have seen they both carries a difference with in themselves, which obviously is not that prominent. I like the bonding of families unfortunately the generation I belong too is suffering from too much loneliness,depression and psychological problems and the worst part is  the education we are getting. I mention this is ‘ Metaphors & Hurricanes inside ’ ;

I seek a refuge as I want to hide. I know sharing helps but it helps when you are sure the person listening you will make you comfortable rather then getting worried about it. Its nothing like I regret things its just I hate to be the left one. I don’t know how easy its for the other people like me. I know I take things larger then there actual image. I sharing it here because its safe. Even if you misquote anything it wont hurt that badly then previously it did. I know its hard to take a relationship and easy is to end but I guess its easy to end because one full stop is easy to be placed while on the other hand if you place few more when its difficult to continue… I am facing challenges that I shouldn't be at this age I don't know its what my luck bad-luck or something else. I know things but implementing them always makes me fail no matter how many attempts I make. Its nothing that I am ashy person or something like that on people faces  its just I don’t know what to say. I am tired and sick of everything, as I am no more able to work things out. I don’t know how things will get better and how I will be able to cope up with things and change myself for betterment. I want to be a better person, a better human. I don’t know how to do it.

- illusiOn ~

Metaphors & Hurricane Inside..

I don’t know if things could have been better just with a change of attitude. I am really not sure if anything could get better obviously it can and it is but not with a rapid time. Impatient soul I am, though I always keep the reminder on in me but its embarrassing that I fail. I am sick of keeping myself in a forcing position. Yeah yeah I am the wrong one but how wrong not all wrong. I am executed to death without even my soul set to be free. The honourable people, my society they claims to be  the perfect ones. The social norms, values ,respect they all are precious but what about me? my dignity my prestige and my honour? I feel like I am so lost between the socialism and manners. I feel like my education is divided between mannerism and grades. What I gain is no longer matters. What matters is how I sit, I talk, I behave, what matter is cutlery should on right side or the left, I should put my chair in while I leave the place. Why the generation above devalued us like this? If there duty is just to make us a LADY or GENTLEMAN then who will be teaching us how to face challenges in our lives, what to when we suffer from depression? If now not then when they will learn ??

- illusiOn ~