Saturday, February 28, 2009

peOple hardly know !

Saturday, February 28, 2009 21

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you. If you didn't want to be tagged, you have my apologies.

25 Things People Hardly Know About Me!

  • I am crazy about my name and hate those who dont like my name (till now the list is empty) .

  • I love to illusionise things , ruling my world, creating things.

  • I fallen love with my chem-teacher Ms Nausheen (my 1st love) and still feel and have emotions for her.

  • I believe in being straight forward and have courage to say 'What is wrong is wrong'

  • I hate when people dont understand me pretending that they do and they take my problems as "simply no problem"

  • I beleive all humans are psycho .. to some extend they are.. but I am a proud one i feel no shame in calling myself a "psycho"

  • I think i miss-handle relationships.. I am not good in them and because of this i hardly have people known as "friends"

  • I am a quite feeling-less kinds person (acc. to ppl but with due respect i feel) i beleive i am quite romantic and very senti-mental kinda girl always loaded with flood of emotions.

  • They say my first impression gives feeling of me being very proud and rude but as i am not later they are forced to correct their impressions.

  • Time proved me a very strong person from inside although i love crying.

  • I prefer things to do by myown, on myown. I feel comfortable doing that.

  • I am crazy about bags and flat slippers. I seek every shop for them. I hardly go for buying clothes. My mom hates me for this :D.

  • I love scaly-drawings (one made by using scale). I am more comfortable drawing them.

  • I am too possessive about my relations, I cant share them not even between them.

  • I say the worst good-bye. If you dont beleive that talk to me someday and you will start beleiving it.

  • I feel um a good story-teller rather being a story-writer.

  • I am damn moody person and the good thing is hardly affect my relationships (as i hardly have)

  • I am damn stubborn person and I feel proud being one.

  • I still weep for people from my past especially m***** , I still miss her.

  • I love smell of petrol, photo-state paper and sand (after rain).

  • I write diary because I feel alone.

  • I sometime get awful rude and harsh with my-self.

  • I fight alot when is needed as i beleive its important for you to say what i feelfor someone wether its a complain or what.

  • I am a good pretender. I can ast very smartly when want to hide what i feel.

  • I love filling my room with things that are needed on daily basis . My sibbling thinks my room is a fully facilated place, they love visiting my room on n off , although i hardly permit anyone in my room. For me its the safest corner of my home. Safe and full of privacy.

  • -illusiOn ~

I can go on and on.. so tag me back if u want .. I want to tag Asbah, Tan ,Pink Orchid and Pratibha offcourse!


Friday, February 20, 2009

Khuwahish !

Friday, February 20, 2009 3


Ye meri beti ka kamra hai jise maray hoay teen din ho chukay. Aj uska soyam tha. Meri beti sab larkion se alag honay ki dawedar thi jab k yehi baat mjhe uski sab se aam lagti thi. Ye naheen tha ke wo meri ikloti olaaad thi na he ladli beti bas thori si khudsar, ziddi or mun-phutt si lerki thi (is baat par kisi ko shak nahin tha sewaye uskay) ussay ab lagnay laga tha ke jaise wo bilkul akaili hogai hai uski maa to kia main bhi ussay pyar naheen karti . Wo jab kabhi ghussay main ati yehi kehti ;
main mar bhi jaon gi to kisi ko kon sa farq parega main kon sa kisi ka beta hon! Ziyada se ziyada do roz sog manain ge sab.
main jab uski ye jazbati batain sunta hameesha hansta! Or us waqt ussay duniya ke gool ghumnay se lekar meray hansnay tak par ayteraz hota (main uskay jama kiye novels dekh raha tha. Usay ye shoq maa bap se virasat main mila tha). Usay duniya ko khud se taskheer karna acha lagta tha. Uska kamra hameesha bikhra rehta (main uskay takiye [pillow] par haath rakha) magar marne se pehlay wo isse itna saaf kar gai thi ke lag raha tha jaise wo abhi yaheen kisi konay se nikal kar ayegi mujhe betha daikhe gi hairan hokar or kahegi 'papa ap yahan kia kar rahain hain?'
Ye kamra meri beti ka sab se pasandeedah gosha [corner] tha ghar ka. Main apni beti k saray shikway dor karna chahta tha, ussay batana chahta tha ke main usse utna he pyar karta hon jitna apne baqi bachon se. Han ussay sab se ziada dantta tha magar isliye kaheen wo bigar na jaye. Tabhi meri biwi meray pass ayi .

"ye apkay liye aya tha" usne ik packet meri taraf barahaya, main ne oper uske chehray par nazar ki to wo bhi nam-alood tha shayed ussay bhi apne beti ki yad arahi hogi.

"kia hai ismain?" main ne usay pocha , usnay lailmi ka izhar kia or janay lagi. Main ne ussay darwaza band karkay janay ko kaha.

Packet khola to usmain ik card or kuch cheezain theen jin main ik leather ka wallet, ik kurta shalwar or ik parcha shamil tha. Main ne card uthaya (father's day ka card hoga) main ne sochtay sochtay card khola magar kholnay par pata chala ke wo to valentines day especial tha ( main hairan hoa bhala valentines day wish karne wala mjhe kon hosakta hai? ) card par meray naam ke ilawa chand satrain likhi hoi theen.

Although I hate Valentine's Day but this year,
I wished someone to be my valentine !
Who else it could be but you.
So will you be my valentine Dad?
Main ne ansoon ko saaf kiya aur nazam wala parcha uthayaparhna shuru kiya to ehsaas hoa ke ye to shayed wohi wali nazm hai jiska mazak meray betay mazak ura rahay thay, usne yeh poem kisi conest main bhi bheji thi shayed isi baat par mazak ura rahay thay main ne nazam ko ik bar phir ghor se parhna shuru kia;

Come With Me Before I Leave!
Death is on its way,
But before leaving you behind,
All alone on your own,
I've a feeling,
I should return once to you,
All the precious moments,
That you really deserve,
I want to hug you,
Kiss you and embrace you,
Like never before,
So that whenever you see yourself,
in a mirror or in someone's eyes,
It reminds you the love of mine,
The feel of mine,
As i want to live in you,
Yes! I knw i am in you,
But after me i know,
Your life will not stop,
Even i dont want so,
As all i want is just to,

Main ne nazzam ke akhir main dekha to mujhe mukhtib karke meri beti ne do lines likheen theen;

Dad! ye nazam main ne apke liye likhi thi koi
man he naheen raha jisne
bhi parhi usne kaha ye koi dad k liye naheen
likh sakta main apki boht achi beti
naheen hon sirf achi bhi naheen hon magar
dad mujhe maaf kardijiyega or ye cheezain rakh
lejiye ga! kash main apko ye khud deti or app ko
agar cheezain pasand ati to app bhai ki tarhan
mujhe bhi galay lagatay! hai na dad!

Main ne apne apko apne bazon main bhench lia meri beti ko meray galay lagnay ka kitna shoq tha. Kash Papa ki jan! tum yahan hoteen to papa tumhain galay lagatay ik bar phir batatay ke wo tum se kitna pyar karte hain. Kash! Tum ye pehlay papa ko parhwateen to yun khali khuwahish liye to na jateen! Kash PAPA tumhari ye khuwahish puri kardetay! Kash Tum aj zinda hoteen!

This is just another piece of mine. Hope you will feel and enjoy it while reading, as i enjoyed and i feeled while writting it! All thanks to my dad as while i wrote this he was away and his apartness made me write this! Readers please comment and suggest!

- illusiOn!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Thanks for the memories!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009 0

Joyce Conway remembers things she shouldn't. She knows about tiny cobbled streets in Paris, which she has never visited. And every night she dreams about an unknown little girl with blonde hair. When she leaves hospital after a terrible accident, with her life and her marriage in pieces, Joyce moves back in with her elderly father. All the while, a strong sense of deja vu is overwhelming her and she can't figure out why!
Justin Hitchcock is divorced, lonely and restless. He arrives in Dublin to give a lecture on art and meets attractive doctor Sarah, who persuades him to donate blood. It's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a long time. When Justin receives a basket of muffins with a note simply saying thank you,he is sure someone is playing a trick on him. But then a series of gifts begin to arrive. Intrigued and disturbed, Justin is determined to find out who is sending them. What he discovers will change his life forever.

Story is all about two different people from different places.. A must read book!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

'MulaQaat' ! (IV)

Thursday, February 12, 2009 4

Before you proceed please make sure you read the previous context given be
MulaQaat ! (I)
MulaQaat ! (II)
MulaQaat ! (III)

Main ussay mili theek ussi jaga faqt ik haftay baad hi. Majboran milna kisse kehtay hain isse hum dono hi waqif thay magar ye kis tarhan ki majbori thi ? Dil ki majbori ya koi or majbori? Is sawal ke jawab se hum dono he nawaqif thay.Main waheen ja kar beth gayi jahan itnay din uske intezar main guzaray thay , ussi bench par jahan hum itnay din beth kar baatain kia karte thay. Kia ye bejaan cheezain bhi humari mojoodgi or ghair-mojodgi mehssos karte hain? Pata naheen kiun par mujhe aisa lagta tha ke ye bhi humari tarhan humaray rishton ko mehsos karte hain ye bhi humari tarhan rishton ki dhoop chah'on ko mehssos karte hain..
"I am sorry" main ne sir utha kar dekha .. sharmindgi chehra par liye wo mujh he ko dekh rahi thi. Main ne uske chehray par se nazrain hattain or samnay kehltay bachon ko dekhnay lagi

"Mujhe maloom hai tum mujh se bohat khafa ho par main sach main bohat jazbati hon pata naheen us roz kia kia keh gayi mujhe maaf kardo" Wo nadim thi magar meray ajeeb ehsaasat thay mujhe yun lag raha tha jaise kuch mehssos na ho raha ho uske chehray pe mayosi jhalki ankhon main shayed pani utra, mujhe theek se pata naheen chala meri ankhon ke gird ik ghubaar sa chah raha tha. Main ne apne haath ko chehray par rakha to maloom hoa ke meri palkain bheegi hoi theen meri ankhain ghubar se naheen balke ansoon se dhondhli hogai theen. Lafz thay ke galay main atkay hoay thay, Meray liye rishtay thay he itnay eham (Muzahika-khiz baat hai magar yeh bhi ik roop hai meray).Main ne chehray ar achanak behnay walay anson ko saaf kia or nazrain jhuka kar ussay baghair dekhay usse mukhatib kia

"Kaisi ho?"

"Theek hon Or tum" Usnay mera baat ko badlna mehsoos kia tha uska chehra androni jazbat ki tarjumani kar raha tha. Par agar chehra sab keh deta hai phir insaan ko lafzon ki kia hajat? Kiun lafz he jazbat ki taskeen bantay hain?Kiun izhar he zaroori hai?

"Main bhi theek hon" Main tamam sawal demagh main rakhay zaba'n par laye baghair usse jawab de rahi thi

"Tum mujhe maaf kardo!"Usne koi teesri bar kaha andaz ap bhi ilteja-ameez tha

"Bhool jao!" Main bas yehi keh payi warna andar uthnay wali tufa'n ke baad ke tabahi mujhe kuch bhi kehnay se baaz rakh rahi thi

"Naheen tum pehlay mujhe maaf karo mujhe pata hai tumharay saath main ne acha naheen kia" Wo misr thi

"Tum choro is baat ko" Mujhe naheen maloom kon si cheez thi jo mujhe [han main ne maaf tumhain kardia] jaise lafz kehnay se rook rahi thi

"Maaf kardo"

"Tum is baat ko bhool jao samjho kuch hoa he naheen"Main ne naram lehjay main usse kaha

"Tum bas ik bar kehdo tum ne mujhe maaf kardia" Wo bhi zid ki pakki thi

"Main ye naheen keh sakti" Main ne har mantay hoay kaha halankay main janti thi ke wo is baat ko bhi ghalat mayni main legi

"Kiun?" Wo hiran thi, main janti hon kiun ussay lagta tha shyed uske nazdeek uska karda gunah itna bara hai ke mai n usse maaf karna naheen chahti magar ye to waja na thi

"Isliye kiun ke meray nazdeek dosti mafff karne or maafi mangnay wala rishta naheen tum chali gayeen theen tum ne ghalat kia dukh dia magar phri tum agaeen or mujeh khushi di tum main ghum ko kiun yad karon?Jan tum agai to main kiun tumharay janay ke un nakleefdeh lamhon ko yad karon?" Main bass aisi he hon janti kuch ajeeb hon par rishton ki meray nazdeek yehi ehmiyat hai

P.S(jab humain khushi milay to lamhay bhar bhi ussay pechlay ghum main zaya karna himaqat ke sewa kuch naheen!)

To Be Continued...!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Broken Bond...

Sunday, February 8, 2009 2

I was typing fastly and was enjoying chat with B when suddenly my msn informed me that you came online.. heart beated a little fast and my fingers trembled , they slowed thier speed. I again started my work witha little hope in my heart you will be nudging me with in few minutes but then my wait turned into edginess (اضطراب). Argh! why aren't you nudging me or texting me you are online and its 30 minutes now but then only i remembered something we are no more friends. Time insulated us or i may say our ways were not serperate but it hurts i dont know why! but it hurts. I know we will never come accross each other any more we wont be seeing each other but still it hurts...

I dedicte this piece to one of my finest friend.. as we are no more friends..still sumtimes i feel as if we r still inseparable..


Its 5:33 and the loneliness within me is killing me.. I dont know with whom to share and with home to comfort my-self.. Without letting my-self feeling pitty i changed my deriction towards writting.. But i was unable to this even I AM UNABLE TO WRITE AGAIN.. Ol after 08 days and 10 poems i am once again in NO-WRITTING phase . I thowed the pencil on flor i want to scream i want to shout , i want to yeell! but i cant . I want this to end really ahhh :@

The evil is rising and i dont want it too get rised but...

-05:33 p.m


Friday, February 6, 2009

Today's Morning!

Friday, February 6, 2009 0

With a hand in my hairs massaging softly I looked at my cellphone ahh it tooo late but my hairs i wish i could bring a masseuese here i want a (چپی). God! I need to get up now.. I checked my cellphone for updates and yes! here it is..

1 Message recieved!
'Hey! do me favour i want somethings from the bakery can you....'

Without reading the rest i deleted that text.Can you blv it, sender was unknown to me. So without wasting my dearie time i left my bed unmade.. (so bad f me)..I went washroom with paining gums i opened my paste that doctor reffered me especially for gums but I was unaware of it hardly have anything left :( now what? i did the brush with something remaining

"I will buy one today only" I made a note in mind.. I opened the mouthwash and fill my mouth with it when i heard my cellphone ringing.. i spit it washed my mouth throughly and when i checked it i was sorry on emptying my mouth. Unknown number again I just added that to my blocklist and went to wash my face. Cleansing deepily my skin I suddenly missed you while touching my face I remember the feel of you , How you skin made me feel when i touched you. The warness, the comfort.. I pulled my-self out from your circumfluence (حصار). I came out dressed my-self and combed my hair when I remembered your comments .. I remember still the smile of your's while saying

"I love your wet hairs .. they look so good on you"

I don't know why I miss you! I don't even you miss me or you don't, but your in each and everything I do. I dont like it but its just like a universal truth to me that I..


If Only I Had Time I Want ...

These are the list of things i want to do if only i had time..

~ I want to make maccroni ! (as i wanna eat sumfin lyt)
~ Surf net till i get tired
~ Want to cry!
~ Read a good novel
~ Want to slleeeeepppp! (a long one not a nap)
~ A short course on sclupturing
~ A hair-cut
~ Clean my room!
~ Want to abuse someone! some really bad!
Ahhh I wanna do all this but for few i dont hav time & for few time allows me not ahh
- IllusiOn!
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