Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sorrow VS Hope..

Thursday, April 30, 2009 13
Well guys this all happened yesterday when me IllusiOn~ and Vinay aka LEO decided to track me out of sorrows by hope ..

Its a joint venture of our's hope to see your replies..

I am tired of these emotions,
This crowd on exit gate of my heart,
As only few wants to enter,
And so many are there to leave,

Emotions play with your heart,
They aren't meant forever to stay,
Let go of them, when they want to go,
And new joyous ones will find their way.

Way is what I am searching for,
And even cant find a escape,
Though I want to fight but,
I dont have a reson to stay,

Leave not the hope of escape,
They can't hold you captive forever,
Fight them, because you want to,
No reason could be better ever,

I feel the loneliness with in me,
deeper then ever it was before,
Tell me... Oh my friend!
When to attach with whom to fight?

If you are lonely, come to me,
From its depths I shall pull you through,
Your fight is with yourself, you can't lose,
Your words aren't an illusion, your heart is true,

My heart is not answering,
Its quite like never before,
I feel no shame as I have to accept,
Yes i am a looser and have no shame,

Knock with persistence, not giving up,
It is your heart, it will answer soon,
How can you tell you are a loser?
In this world of stars, you are the moon.

Moon is alone,
and stars make it more,
I need to refresh,
but how could I,

how can the moon be lonely?
it has many stars to make it smile,
think of joy not the unseen sorrows,
that which kept you going all this while,

Sorrows are what I can see,
As stars are making moon no more happy,
Who says I dont want to be,
Its just I am unable too,

Into my eyes, stare you my friend,
More than any mirror, I can reflect your heart,
I won't let you give up, it's not who I am,
Perhaps, all you need friend is a new start!

New start, is all I need,
But where to start,
and how to start,
is my question and have no answer,

You have written so much now,
So passionate, from your heart so true,
You did not think that you could,
Surely, this could be that start so new,

I today promise will restart,
but give me some time ,
stand closer to me and hold me tight
I may fell down i may go mad

Keep hope, don't see the dark ahead,
Light will beckon you soon my friend,
I am not going anywhere, will be by your side,
Will catch you when you fall friend.

I won't let you go mad with sorrow,
I will give you a bouquet of smiles,
Take the time, but do not give up hope,
Remember the good joyous times

Sure I will and dont you worry,
when friend like you is there with me,
Why I have to go mad why to fall,
So here I smile with a glee

Then use this as the start of a new life,
Let go off all the sorrow, all the strife,
Write this as an Illusion, but that is true,
Am now waiting, to hear that words a new.

Lets together we stand
lets together we move
hold my hand and her we go
With a new glow and new life

Onward Insi, destiny calls,
I will be by your side, always,
A friend to push you forward,
To find you when you have lost your way.

So here I thank you Vinay!
you helped me and you pushed me
Again towards the life,
towards illusion, towards yourself and towards WL


Sunday, April 26, 2009

CONNECTION ! - ( A Kind Of Magic)

Sunday, April 26, 2009 8
For previous blogisode of this series click: here

CONNECTION ! ( A Kind Of Magic)

Finally it was Wednesday. Angelina had waited for this day since her teacher Ms Anna De More announced the trip. She was hell excited and was eagerly waiting for the evening and wanted time to fly quickly. she decided to make her bed first and then she went downstairs near the lounge where she dialed Kate's land line number;

' Hello! ' She heard an elder male voice , definitely it was her dad.
' Err.. Hi ! Can I speak to Kate William please...' She asked sounding very polite.
' Sure .. you can but can I know whom I am speaking to..? ' Other person on the call asked
' Err.. Its Angelina Grace ' Angelina introduced herself in a very sober style.
' Oh.. right please hold on for a second please ' She was put on hold

' Hey Angelina! how you doing girl ' Minutes later she finally was able to hear Kate's voice.
' Hi I am good . How are you' Angelina sounded excitedly.
' I am fine so.. feeling excited han? hats off to you as its you who is taking Anderio with us..' Kate was surely thrilled too.
' Yeah actually ... Kate wanted to know what to take on these kind of trips as I am very new...' This time Angelina sounded a bit worried.
' Oh dear no need to worry just take things which are easy to carry and don't forget to take camera and music player as you may need some moments to get captured for you as a memory .. you have one na? and yeah don't forget to take two or three pair of clothes with you ' Kate affably answered in detail for Angelina's question just to satisfy her.
' .. Thanks Kate.. See you in the evening in the bus.. ' Angelina hung up the call.

She was about to leave the lounge area in a hurry as she needed to make her bag when Catherine Grace, her step-mother entered the lounge and told her that she wanted to talk to Angelina..They both seated on a sofa with an awkward silence between them. Finally few minutes later the silence was broken by Catherine only;

' Angel ( that's what her father use to call her since her birth) .. I hope you wont mind me calling you with this name ' Catherine gave a try to begin the conversation.
' No! its fine with me..' Angelina really didn't mind Catherine calling her with this name.
' Great! So what are you planning to take with you on trip . i hope you are done with your packing. ' Catherine asked the same question which was bugging Angelina so much since the morning..
' No.. yet I have not decided.. Actually I am confused ' Straightly she answered as she wanted help and who knows from where this helping hand may arrive.... ( No?)
' OK.. Let me help you well.. with 2 -3 pair of clothes a camera and a music player or may be book will be enough with some packets of chips and some chewing gums.. What do you think? ' Catherine gave her a list and asked for sureness.
' I .. I don't have a camera and neither have a music player ..Its all at my mother's home ' Angelina quietly said
' No problem actually I had this in my mind so I brought these for you.. take them as a gift of 14 years..' Catherine handed her a wrapped box and Angelina with flowing emotions hugged her .

This was the very first time when she felt something for Catherine in her heart.

' Thank you so much ma.. Can I call you mom? ' Angelina asked her while hugging , all of sudden Catherine's eyes were filled with tears just like Angelina's
' Off course you can darling as I always believed I have five kids instead of yours and that obviously includes you ' She patted Angel's back slowly.

At 8:00 p.m Catherine drove Angelina to her school where two buses were standing out side. She entered the school and saw line of pupil taking badges from their class teachers she took her badge with her name, emergency contact number and her school name was written. She head towards the bus number informed her by Mr. Twir. Entering the bus she saw different faces but she was unable to see Anderio all over in bus so she tried asking pupil around her if anyone of them saw him but nobody said they did. She felt her excitement dying hearing No sign of Anderio. She saw Kate with an empty seat and she decided to get seated with her only as she was the only person other then Anderio who had been friends with her. She was no more excited and was not looking forward to this trip not anymore. She brought out a book from her bag and opened it, started staring it without realizing that she has taken more then 10 minutes just reading 1 paragraph of the the prologue given.

' Hey Alpi! searching me in this little prologue..' A whisper made her jumped off her seat she looked around and saw Anderio with a bright5 smile and fresh looks. He bowed Kate and winked Angelina back.
' Thanks Kate for restoring place for me ' He thanked Kate, who left waving hand to Angelina ..
'So .. Let me see .. Alpi was thinking Andi lied to her and he wont be appearing. This thought made her upset and due to this she was staring prologue for more then 10 minutes.. Right? ' He said as he put his bag down and make it placed down his seat with his hands.

Angelina was quite as she had nothing in her head except accepting that he was right. She avoided his glance over her and continued staring the book. He snatched away her book and made her face him by help of his two fingers.

' Alpi ! Common now I am here no? you want to sit with some one else that's why you are avoiding me and staring this not-so-good book? ' Andi asked with pain in his voice with sadness over coming it..
' Andi I am just feeling bashful on my thoughts.. that's sit ' She slowly answered while Andi slowly grinned
' Its ok my stupid alpi I don't mind now cheer up ' He assured her in a very low voice that everything was fine and few minutes later they completely were drowned in their talks..

They talked and talked and talked while enjoying chips , drinks and good numbers of music sharing music player's one earpiece in each one's ear. They even took some pictures of them and of different poses of people in bus. Finally without noticing they fallen sleep.

Casber left his place in the middle of night feeling thirsty while passing he saw Angelina's head resting over Anderio's shoulder while Anderios' hand holding her from back with his head over her's. Casber smiled with this scene, he went back to his seat took his camera and he captured these beautiful moments. He grinned while he got back to his seat after drinking water, glancing over the couple sitting in front of him.

Anderio woke up, he looked his watching it was 5:30 a.m. he carefully moved his hand from Angelina's shoulder and made her more comfortable by placing it on her head, moving his fingers in her hairs slowly. She was still sleeping, deep in dreaming she smiled. He took his camera out and asked a front seated senior to take their picture but Casber hurried off and offered Anderio his assistance. After taking few pictures he even told Anderio what happened last night and how in which state they both were sleeping. Anderio laughed but then got quite realizing that his laughter can break his Alpi's dream and she will be awaked. He slowly grinned as he thought ( It was kind of magic as he never cared like this for anyone before he never did something for anyone like this.. This was surely a MAGIC..)

To Be Continued..


P.S ( I hope you will enjoy this blogisode like you did before)
P.S.S ( Please your comments are source , great source of encouragement so please do take few minutes out of your precious time and do comment)
P.S.S.S ( I am sorry for mistake.. still learning)

The 50Th Post!

Finally I am writting my 50th post.. feeling good and at the very same time not very fine :) still CONGRATULATIONS to me ..


Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Connection ( You Can't Deny It ... )

Wednesday, April 22, 2009 9
For previous blogisode click here

( You Can't Deny It ... )

' Class can I have your attention please! ' Its was loud voice of Ms. Anna De More, the history teacher.
' Ma'am! You have .. err I mean our attention is all yours' Anderio replied innocently with a smile on his face which changed the class atmosphere.
' Thank you so very much Anderio! I am grateful to you' Ms Anna taunted Anderio back

It 10:15 in the morning according to Angelina's watch which means 15 more minutes were there to abide , she yawned badly and glimpse the class where she saw Kate doing her geography homework, Casber reading a novel hidden with in his desk. She looked Anderio who gave her a wink with a smile..

' Ms Angelina Grace .. You mind if I burrow a little piece of your attention for few minutes ..' She had to look in front as Ms Anna called her name out..
' No Ma'am.... errr..... I mean Sorry Ma'am ' Class laughed loudly and she felt bashful but then only she saw something on her desk it was a little note saying "SMILE PLEASE " ;

' OK ! class now silence I want Please! I am here with a great news for you pupil. We are going for a class trip.. ( Class made a loud noise) Let me finish first .. Class trip is scheduled day after tomorrow i.e WEDNESDAY, this trip will be of three (3) days which means we will be able to stay for two (2) days and one (1) night . As the distance is of 6 hours we have decided to cover the most of our distance in night. And above all I want you all to come NO EXCUSES Anderio.. If you have any query do contact Mr. Twir, your class teacher.. and with that I leave Good day to you all '

Finally the bell rang and Ms Anna left the class leaving them crowded in groups, nattering about the up coming trip.. Then only Anderio grab a seat besides Angelina with his famous indifference behaviour.

' Andi ! ' She called his name, making her tone as low as a whisper.
' Yeah ! yeah I know she was sooo boring except last 10 minutes NO? ' He said excitedly

Angelina smiled as she knew how much his interest was in history and how much she wasn't . She was having smile on her face, her eyes were focused on Anderio's face who was writing something, when he turns his all attention towards her. He definitely was saying something but she was thinking something else when he finally decided to leave the seat ..

' What's the matter, where are you going? ' Angelina inquired him of.
' I think I was talking to you but you were too busy to listen what I was saying..' He was tempestuous.
' I was listening to you Andi ' She said the whole sentence in her normal tone but lowered it when calling his nick name, she frankly grabbed his hand which had a red-black wrist band given by her this morning only, for sake of their friendship.
' Though I know you were busy in thinking but no problem I am repeating my words. Its just Alpi I never go on trips.. I mean don't give me these looks I never go to trips I never did and neither have plan or wish to go this time even .. so don't you force me to go there Please! ' He was serious, though this was the very first time of Angelina to see Anderio in this way, alhtough he looked more handsome but Angelina loved his chilly and playful attitude more then this behaviour so far.

Angelina was quite and so was Anderio, both were drowned in their own thoughts. Both were full of words, full of thoughts even wanted to say something but were unaware of how to say them.

Andi was thinking : ( Please Alpi say no, say you don't want to go without me. Say you are not interested if its without me. Say you are not going because of me, for me. Please ! say.. )

While Alpi was thinking : (Andi don't say no please say you will go for me because of me. How I will enjoy if you won't be around ? How I can leave you behind while going to a trip for enjoyment? I want to go but with you. Andi please say you are going, say you were just kidding please! )

Finally the bell rang, it was recess time. Both of them were sitting, still were busy with there thought, drowned deeply in them. When only Eden, pal of Anderio passed by and gave him a pat on his shoulder to get his attention.

' Hey And ' Eden's voice made him back to the world.
' Yeah Edd? ' Anderio gave him a look which discomfort Eden.
' Err.. I was just asking .. aren't you coming down? Actually wanted to discuss the trial sessions for championship.. Errr only if you are free off course ' Eden was bashful with a feeling that he disturbed Anderio who was still busy in his thoughts..
' Edd ! Don't take me wrong but make it tomorrow please .. I hope you won't mind ' Anderio was finally able to understand and answer Eden back.
' Sure no problem ' So Eden left the class like others leaving both of them alone.
' Alpi ! ' He called Anglina for her attention
' Yeah Andi! Listen please first listen to me ( he stayed quite..) I cant I just cant make it possible without you. I can't go leaving you behind, we are friends best friends, so if you are not willing to go I am cancelling my plans for this trip too. I can't enjoy with feeling of your absence.' She quickly completed her words, words which were witnessing her trembled thoughts. Hasten can easily be felt in her voice.

Anderio laughed as he was hell inspired by the way Alpi used to talk, with such quickness in her voice, the changes of her tones from lower one to the higher one which she use to switch with in seconds, the logic's she had for everything and above all the haughtiness, dignity and respect she had for Andi in her voice, in her words, which cannot easily be neglected. He felt like he cant say NO to her, he just cant stand on what his wish was over his Alpi's wish.

' OK! I will go but what I will do? I mean I never went to a trip like this before. You know that .. I told you.. ' Andi was halfly ready for this trip and this was enough for Alpi as rest was not so difficult for her to handle.
' Oh common! nothing you have to do. Just follow me and I guarantee you, you will enjoy I wont let you get bored I promise now Please say YES you will go . Andi ! do remember I wont go without you.' Angelina snub Anderio's in the end of her sentence which was started with an obligation and which ended on a threat.
' OK ! I will ' He had to agree as he had no other choice left except saying a YES.
' Really wow! Thank you so much Andi! love you so much ' Angelina hugged Anderio tightly and placed a kiss on his right cheek.

He could feel the happiness in Alpi's voice, she was excited, thrilled and happy, all what Andi wanted her to be... always!. Hugging her was so sensational, he hold her tight and placed a kiss in return on her left cheek.

' Lets go down. Um hungry.. Shall we..' He apart her taking her hand in his and started walking .

They were in the middle of their way, when the pass by few junior girls and he heard saying them;
' Wow! nice couple.. They look so good together'

He smiled as he knew and he agreed on what they just said. They were so right. They look perfect together.

Angelina glimpse Anderio and then her eye rolled towards her hand safely guarded by Anderio's hand. She grinned slowly .. ( Everyone needs a guardian angel ) No?

To Be Continued...


P.S( I am sorry for bringing this soo late but .. still I hope you must have missed the series like I did and hope you will enjoy )

P.S.S( I am sorry for sentences.. still not good.. still working)

P.S.S.S ( Vinnay its for you.. and for every other reader who missed them.. including me.. )

Monday, April 20, 2009


Monday, April 20, 2009 2

So here I am .. Finally back to my world back to where I belong.. :) I missed it every minute I spent without it.. Thanks to those who missed me...

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Un-titled ~

Tuesday, April 14, 2009 7

It was 9:15 a.m when door almost banged.. Knock on the door was hell loud and still the girl in the bed was deep in sleep. Hats off to her obstinacy. she is ANIA ALI and this is her room. In this house she lives with two brother, 1 sister, a grand mother and parents. WOO The door is still banging..

' ANIA ! open the door ' She is off-course her mother.
' ANIA ! open the door you idiot. Just look at the time its 9:15. Aren't you getting late for college..' She screamed. The loud scream was this time successful as Ania opened the door.

Yawning, she give a look to her mother's angry pretty face and in slow voice she mumbled;

' Ma ! its Saturday and since when I go to college on Saturday. It's weekend ' Although she was right still she hoped for a scold..
' Fine if its weekend but dare you go to sleep, get up and dress yourself and then come down and help me in kitchen, No servants are provided to me by your father PRINCESS! Now come down quickly' She ordered and left Ania who was still standing with hand on door.

Ania turned around and saw AKIF sitting on bed watching her.

' Hey beautiful ! GOOD-MORNING! ' He said in his chilled voice.
' What Good morning? what so good in it. You listened to her don't you? Every time i am scolded for no bloody reason even if its not my mistake.' She complained while moaning.

Ania closed the door and set near AKIF, who was quite instead of comforting her, he was quite.

' Ania ! it's okay. She is mom na.. Always loaded with things. Don't take her words on heart dearie. She loves you ! Now dress yourself and go down, have your breakfast and we will meet after that.. OKAY OKAY don't you worry I wont go anywhere will wait for you here only. Now go! ' He ordered and acted on what he told her, she left the room dressed in pink salwar suit.
Downstairs it was all mess as it was Saturday and her two brothers were at home sitting in lounge playing some video game. She quickly walked in kitchen, luckily her father was there reading newspaper with all his attention on paper. Not paying attention on what was going around.

' AsalamOalikum ! Papaa ' She greeted him taking chair out next of his.
' hmm Walikumasalam ! ' He replied and then then folded the newspaper as his wife placed a cup of tea in front of him.
' So beta .. done with the break fast. ??' He inquired of her.
' No I'm about too ' She answered him and the n only her mother said in her rudest tone..
' Oh Princess what can I get you? How to provide you service Mam! ' She hate taunt as much as her mother enjoyed taunting and then only when she was about to say something as a reply of her mothers question she heard AKIf's voice in her ears..
' No answers ! no need of it.. Get up and prepare your breakfast yourself ' And she did what he said..

Quietly she got up from her chair without answering her mother and when she came back her mother was the only one seated on one of the dinning chairs, She seated herself next to her mother, this time with a tray of breakfast.

' ANIA ! I need to ask something from you and hope you will give me direct and right answer ' Her mother started the conversation with serious expression and down in Ania's chest something known as "heart' beated wildly.
' Yeah ! mom go ahead ' She said with trembled hands holding crispy break.
' Who is AKIF? ' Her mother asked directly what she shouldn't. Break fall down from Ania's hand, it laid down the floor but nobody was bothered both of them were busy in looking each other expressions.
' Mom! .... he...he.. ' She was about to answer when only her mother interrupted her;
' Dare you take me on the roller coaster ride this time. Tell me honestly AKIF is or else I will be speaking to your dad about all this ' She threatened Ania.
' Mom! he is a friend ' Ania tried to tell the truth but ...
' How do you communicate with him? I mean how you guys talk? ' Thsi time surely her mom was on rapid fire mood
' Yeah ! ' All she could do was what she just did.. Frightened she was..
' OK! have your breakfast and make him prepare to talk to me. i want to talk to him.. ' She said and she left the dinning table moving towards the lounge while Ania hold her head in her hands.. trembled hands..

Ania was frightened and was worried too as she came into her room and found it empty. After few minutes she heard her mothers footsteps on stair case and felt like she wont be breathing now.. her heart was not in her control now beating wildly she just imagined her life changing in next few hours...

' Ania! common dial his no. ' Her mother said while making her self seated on a brown coloured couch right in front of her...
' Mom.. He lives in my room.. I don't contact him on phone he lives right there.. " Finally Ania speak her heart out..
' HE lives here Wow ANIA ALI so where he lives tell him to meet me' This time she could felt her mother voice making fun of her
' I don't know when I got back he was nowhere but believe me mom he lives here with me..' She said making her mother assure of what nobody can believe with pale face having fear...
' Ania! fine don't tell me I am going to your dad and will ask him to investigate you who AKIF is..' She left the room, and Ania cried as this was the only thing in her hand. Just the she heard a voice
' Common dearie !' And looking up she saw Akif sitting next to her
' AKIF ! why the hell you hided yourself Where have you been...' She was exhausted..
' Ania Calm down please ! just RELAX ! He hold her in her arms where she rested her head on his muscular chest feeling safe and secure , without knowing that she .. they are been watched. Her mother was shocked watching her from the window opened in her room..

She have been always worried for their youngest daughter ANIA, since few days her routine was distracting Sadia's thoughts (ania's mom). After knowing that a boy is there in her daughter she went in balcony to think of what to do next. There she saw her in wierd situation through the only window of Ania's room opened in balcony as it was opened this time. She saw her daughter standing near the book rack and was having arms opened up in the air with head bended a little, as someone is in state of hugging the other one.. )Was she right that she lives with a guy but where he was?) Sadia was horrified and was startle at the very same time as what she saw was unbelievable, she rushed down leaving her child once again alone.. lonely and alone drowned in the sea of her imaginations...


P.S( hope you people will like it..)

P.S.S( Its not a pure fiction still do read & comment)

Saturday, April 11, 2009


Saturday, April 11, 2009 6

I checked my list once again to get assure that I got all I wanted and then I moved towards the counter, lined myself I waited for my turn. After shopping, I felt hungry so decided to go somewhere for a coffee. I set on a chair and glimpse the little cafe, which was almost full due to the lunch hour ( I guess ), and there I saw him. He was sitting with a woman and a man, Both of them had their back towards me so I was unable to figure them out as I knew all his buddies, mates, colleagues and relatives. Why I wouldn't as I had been with him for almost 3 years of my life. I place my order and relaxed myself a bit as after six months of depression and sickness of mind finally I was out of it. he pain of suddenly being single was killing but now I was enjoying my loneliness as no more I have to inform anyone of my routine, my life style. To nobody I have to place my justifications and to no body no more I am answerable. I was poked by the waitress as my order was here. I take a sip of my coffee and then once again I went to the ' World Of Memories', where was I and him just both of us no one just US.

I was here to this small town cafe with my friend, who wanted me to meet his girlfriend as I was his best man. We three were sitting , they both were talking sitting next to each other and I was there.. I guess i was called there to listen . They were talking, loud and passionate they were and the n only I remembered my time when I used to talk to her. Our endless talks, rapid questions, straight answers and stupid jokes. Remembering every word of hers and I just glimpse the little cafe, little but crowded. While looking my eyes focused on her, a girl in pink t-shirt with labelled something over a black jeans. No doubt she was a gorgeous lady. I wish I could see her from little close. She settled herself near the tree side and then I decided to go and give her a closer view.

He suddenly got up and guess what? he was coming closer. As the distance between was reduced by him, my heart started beating wildly. ( Oh my God).

As the distance was getting shorter my heart was racing. Who was she? Why I am getting the feeling that I know her. Shit! I forgot my specs. ( glasses). As I get closer I felt my heart racing and there I stood helpless as the secret was about to unrevealed who she was...

He came closer and stared me for few minutes and there his eyes flicked with expression of knowing me. He was my... After all he was my love..

' Hey is it you Anny Witson? '
' Yeah Greg its me '
' How you doing? '
' Good & you? '
' I am great .. Oh listen I got to go. Friend and his girl friend with me. See you later's..'
' Yeah sure...! '

We exchange looks and then he left .. I looked his back, my eyes chased him till his table and then he came running towards me. He came towards me and hugged me tightly and whispered..

' I am sorry.. I love you.. I am sorry forgive me but don't leave me'
' I love you too... '

I hugged him back.. I never wanted to leave him... I love him....
' ANNY ! ' Somebody screamed and the voice, it screwed my head..
' Ye.... yeah! ' I felt as if somebody woke me up from a dream.. " WHAT THE HELL' was I dreaming all that.. I opened my eyes and saw him there.. with his famous angry looks..
' Anny .. why the hell you not listening to the bell.. I have been knocking the door since 15 minutes.. ' God he was soo ... um Yummy! ;)
I got up and hugged him badly, whispering ..
' I love you don't ever try to leave me..' I hugged him tightly..
' Wow.. whats the matter girl.. han..? I love you and I am with you always.. What else I can do to assure you, in front of people I accepted you as my wife.. my soul mate.. Love you too always..'
Thank God it was a DREAM...
P.S( Thank you asbah for the title.. Just a try by me.. hope you will enjoy)
P.S.S(Thank you mav for helping me improving myself as you did last night what nobody can.. )
I hope soon I will write Andi Alpi...

Friday, April 10, 2009

I FactOr !

Friday, April 10, 2009 6

My hand are trembled and words in my head are jumbled.. I cant write what I want too and Cant do what i want too. I am getting bitter and bitchy dont know the reason I feel i am too selfish for anything.. I am ust tooo touchy on things.. and sympathy isnt working.. I am no more creating things.. Alpi , Andi are though helping me alot to get better as I cvant write them without getting better.. :

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Break Down..

Thursday, April 9, 2009 6

The silent me.. sitting on computer's desk.. sitting and thinking whats wrong with me. If what I am feeling is wrong then what is right? Things are not good with me and so they are not bad . I dont know how things are going ... I don't know.. things are complicated.. and..

Monday, April 6, 2009

Fool's Day!

Monday, April 6, 2009 6

It was late summer's night, when I opened my eyes after a bad dream. I checked my clock it was 3:15 a.m this means I had 4 hours more to sleep. I drink a glass a of water as I felt a little thirsty and then I lied in my bed again closing my eyes reciting quaranic verses. Just then I felt vibration of my cell-phone.I checked it was ' Ehsan calling.. ' blinking, I picked his call up;

' Hello ' My voice was a bit heavy I could hear it..
' Hey dearie! Why up so late? ' I was about to ask the same..
' You called to ask this.. Well dunno why I am up guess had a bad dream.. Why you are up? doing assignment? ' He always liked my way of asking so many things in just one sentence..
' Was.. yeah was a bit with this and that with assignment to.. still its left .. forget it.. I called to.. I wanted to say something.. ' I was hearing him but guess was not listening to him.. when he stopped i had to ask..
' Err.. whats that ,, tell go on ' I asked him..
' Listen you wont mind na.. I mean whatever I am gonna say you wont take it wrong.. Our relation wont be effected by it.. right na..' ( What he was up to?) I was unaware of what he was talking about but got worried on this disturb tone of his preamble start..
' You are OK Ehsan? ' I asked .. though my tone was not at all caring...
' Well i wanted to say.. ' He was stopped again.. God What was wrong with him..
' Ehsan if you are willing to say it then you better do it now.. else I am going to bed.. ' I touched the limit of rudeness this time as I was damn sleepy..
' Okay! Here I go.. I .. ! ' He left in the middle again...

God! This was surely the limit I ended the call.. Was turning my cell off when it ringed again.. He was calling again so had to pick up..

' Baby at least listen to.. ' He said in a sweet cuddling voice.
' I will listen if you just say what you want to instead of prefacing .. ' I was hell pissed off.. What the hell he was up to..
' I..' He was about to say anything just before that I felt I should warn him once and for all before he mess with things again.
' Dare you leave things in between now.. Say what you want too as after that I need to sleep.. '
' I just wanted to re assure you that I LOVE YOU & I MISS YOU and ERRRRR I mean.. I am Sorry I disturbed you ' He was quite right after saying these lines , but now me was at peace. Its so good listening these magical words from him full of emotions and love..
' I love you too.. now go to bed and sleep. See you tomorrow.. okay bye' I hung up the call.. Took my wallet out and looked his photo ( I love you) I whispered..

Its 4:00 a.m and I am still up. Tomorrow is !st of April and I planned with my friends that I will fool her. I planned I will tell her that I want to break my relation off with her but when she picked up the call and I heard her heavy voice full with sleep I don't know why I stopped. Something trembled inside me, something stopped me saying what I meant too. Each time I started a sentence something in my forced to stop and it made her angry.. I wanted to say what I planned but then only her picture came into my mind.. She in her night suit with cell-phone in her hand near her ear and tears fallen from her beautiful eyes. And this image of hers made me stop every time. I couldn't bare her crying all because of me. So I decided I wont tell her but then only she got pissed off and ended the call. The devil in me urged me to give it a try again, who knows this time my planned could be success. And I called her she was hell pissed off, angry with me and I opened my mouth but instead of saying what I planned I said what I shouldn't. I told her six magical words which she loved to hear from me in my voice the most. I told her that I LOVE HER & I MISS HER. Her tone was off a sudden changed, it was now soften and full of emotions. She returned me my words and ended the call. Was my love for her was that strong that I couldn't bear even image of her with tears in her eyes, YES I LOVE HER VERY MUCH.. SO MUCH.... =)

- illusiOn~
P.S( All is fiction.. I hope you guys will like it)

Sunday, April 5, 2009

I Hate You Even More...

Sunday, April 5, 2009 5

I was hell pissed off since last night thinking hard about PAKISTAN and its future. I hate those filthy people whose hands are involved in this thing. While I was thinking what made people do this just then only i thought what we are doing with relations given to us. As I look at my surroundings I see pain, fights, sorrows and breach instead of love in relationships. Why its gone the answer remains a question mark for me. If we can give sorrows to our loved ones, relation in we r bounded either by God or by ourselves then why an unknown cant give us the pain of losing our loved ones!

I don't mind saying I am disturbed because of PAKISTAN as I feel proud that I can feel the pain not just that I can see it. I don't know how much others will agree but changes starts by the word "I". And I want to change the future of Pakistan. I am not in any party but I want to do all I can for the sake of PAKISTAN but I don't know why every other person is so okay with all whats happening.. But I WANT PEACE .. I NEED CHANGE!!! I HATE TERRORISM STOP THIS.. STOP THIS KILLING OF INNOCENT PEOPLE ON DIFFERENT NAMES ... PLEASE!


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Too Good To Be True ! ( The journey continues)

Saturday, April 4, 2009 12
For previos blogisode click :here

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE ! ( The journey continues)

Three days later it was FRIENDSHIP DAY. Everyone waited for this event almost every year as it was high time for students to make new friends especially the new ones. Angelina, when entered in class was startle, watching pupil talking in groups with bags lying on shoulders. She was expecting a scold for teacher as she was late then usual but here the situation was entirely different of what she thought. Calming herself down she moved towards the only girl she knew in class 12 yr old Kate, who was standing with few more students of her class having hand full of colourful bands.

' Hey! Kate..' Angelina patted her shoulder from back
' Hey Angel! Happy Friendship Day.. gimme your hand let me make you wear this ' Without noticing surprise on Angelina's face Kate made her wear a band, hand-wrist band of blue-green-and light pink shades.
' Geek .. Thanks but all this for what.. I... mean whats going on? No class ? ' Angelina couldn't hold her questions back.
' Don't you know! All classes are cancelled. Girl! it's "Friendship Day" . Good time for new comers like you to know your fellows better.. You have to do nothing, just select a person whom you want to be friends with and offer her/him this band.. person then needs to be your friend..simple and yes same goes for you, if someone offers you, you have to accept it ' Kate explained it well to Angelina but she still was confused with this new event as she never had it in previous school.

' Hey guys.. here comes Anderio .. Gosh look at him ' Somebody shouted. Angelina glimpse Anderio, he was wearing a white shirt and black pair of jeans. He was coming straight to her but why?
( he wants to be friends with her ? ). She was waiting for him to come to her and ask for friendship but when only she saw him turning to a gang of students ( his friends.. she guessed). She was preoccupied by his thoughts so she was unable to hear a voice behind her back.

' Hey! hello ' A Chinese guy was there, standing behind her back with an uneasy expression on his face.

' Hi ' She said affably.
' I am Casber Mand ! ' He introduced himself, so she had to do it too.
' Oh! I am Angelina Grace ' she said with a grin on her face.
' Can we.. .. ' He stopped his sentence in middle, his expressions changed from excitement to fear, she turned back to look what made him stop and saw Anderio standing with hands fold on his chest.
' Emmm Catch you later's.. Bye! ' He quickly said and left the place leaving her startle on his sudden leave..

(What was wrong with him? ) She wondered just then Anderio came closer to her.

' Hey girly! ' He said in a cheery voice.
' Hello! ' Angelina felt the soreness in her voice but he seemed not even noticing it.
' Happy Friendship Day! ' He hold her hand and made her wear a Red, black striped band with 'ANDERIO' written boldly on it.
' Happy Friendship day to you too' She returned the greeting, feeling no choice left.
' So where is my band? ' He was getting too frank right on her nerves so she gave him a gray black stripped band given to her by Kate.
' Let's go for a walk. Will show you school! Have you seen it before? ' He offered and she agreed.

They walk in corridors of school as classes were cancelled. Side by side they walked and he, Anderio talked.

' We are three brother, I am the second one. Having one sister, youngest of all. We live near the lake side & you guys? ' He gave her a brief a introduction of his family.

' Well.. I am the only child of my parents though I have half-sisters and brothers, We live near the mountain side ' In return she without even recognizing what she was saying she shared her biggest secret with him which she never did in past.
' You live with.. ' He started asking and then he left it in middle leaving it incomplete ( he was unaware of how much she hated incomplete sentences )
' I just moved with my father and step-mother with their kids as my mom wants to get married to her boy-friend and he rejected the idea of me living with them but I am happy with it as its better living with Dad ' Once again she shared what she shouldn't.
' Oh! I am really sorry to hear that ' His voice was full of concern.
' No! I mean don't be.. Err.. that's okay. I just don't know why I shared it with you I mean I never shared it with anyone not in family not with friends even. Don't know why I shared with you.' She said in a lower shaky voice that made him feel how necessary it was to change the subject immediately.
' So can we be best friends? ' He tried diverting her mind towards himself.
' Sure.. fine it is as long as its fine with you too ' Angelina could see excitement on his face.
' So .. from now on for me you are ' Alpi ' and for you I am....' He was thinking of something while she was thinking how easy it was talking to him..
' For you I am... ' He was still thinking of a nick for himself when she suggested..
' Andi ' This nick suddenly came in her head..
' Fine with me but remember these nicks are just for me and you.. No one else can call us by these names right Alpi ? agreed? ' He conditioned
' Done Andi ' She said with a broad smile on her face not knowing that she smiled after a long time.
( This guy surely knew how to bring smile on faces..)

To Be Continued...


P.S( Readers please leave your suggestion & comments as I would love to know your opinion on this series and believe me your suggestions and comments .. they make difference in my life) :)
P.S.S (hope you enjoy reading here)
P.S.S.s( Forgive me for grammar mistakes and structure of sentences as i am working on them)

Take A Step Ahead!

I was fagged and sweaty, after work so I planned to sit in balcony with cup of tea. Since morning weather had been nice and chilly wind was chanting my ears. I am happy? Was I? that's the question always echoing in my mind. I don't know meaning of happiness or I must have forgotten it like I used to forgot my lesson when I was little. But why no one know slaps me, punish me when I am not happy? Why no body notices that I am no more happy.. Is it because nobody have time or is it because I am not important but how its possible that I am not important for a single person in this big world? Where my friends are? Do I have to tell each time how I am? how I ma feeling? Is there no need of just checking by how your friend is? These questions sometime.. they bug me a lot.. As I finished my cup of tea I stand up and viewed the match happening down the lane, there I saw a little cute boy going towards each elder boy I guess they were not letting him play and he wanted too just then I saw he rushed towards the ball dived and caught it .. all the boys clapped and just after that he let him in their team. I don't know why but this event effected my heart and I wrote these lines;

Down the lane,
I saw you with wish to play,
While I was sitting in a cafe,
But elder ones wants you away,
Your heart was now not in your hand,
It had betray,
All of a sudden you caught a foray,
All of them shout a hooray,
And they all accepted,
you as a mainstay!
All you have to do is to say,
As no one holds for you a tray!!! (written by me)

Its impossible that all time you have someone to keep a check on you, to check if you are doing fine or you are not. So next time when you need someone all you have to do is ask for help as asking for help is not a shame..


P.S( We often feels nobody cares about us but its never true as all is about saying .. you have to express what you feel in honour to be listened and to get a company)

I am?? ( the "I" factor )

I am what? This is now a question to me.. As no longer I believe anyone .. Its hard feeling so down, so depressed with knowing the reason i feel as if my hands are tighten up with a rope sitting on a chair without knowing the reason of becoming a hostage I feel myself as a coward.. Why I cant take a stand when I will be old enough to.. And whats the guaranty if I once gets older I will do what now I wanted too? When my turn will come.. Each time I search for a new road I find myself taking a U-turn and coming back to same.. STOP THIS.. Or LET ME END THIS... What if i never get a achance to get older? What if time never give me an authority to take an stand? I WANT THIS TO END..

The truth lies,
beneath my lie,
yes i mistrust you,
and so i must die.


P.S( Nothing is wrong with me these are just my thoughts..)
P.S.S( Take it just as a writting.. )

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Excellence Awards 2009!

Thursday, April 2, 2009 8
I was amazed when "Guru jee" aka Sandeep Congratulated me on getting award as I was not getting time to get online and check WL ( Writers Lounge) . I eagerly check WL and was amazed that I have been awarded for two different categorize. Though i shared my awards with two cute friends of mine, Especially Uzra , I was so happy to share my award for

# Mr. & Ms. Consistent @ Lounge (Poetry-Hindi/Urdu): Insya, Uzra

The second nominee was for Chotee ustaad which i shared with;

# Chote Ustaad @ Lounge: Insiya and Heena(Gulzar).

I am so very very happy guys THANK YOU!


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