Mulaqaat!

Mujhe naheen pata zindagi ki taraf qadam barha rahi hon ya anjam ki kuch bi nhn teh. Naheen yeh bhi khabar k ayinda anay walay dino main yunhi reh paon gi bhi ya naheen. Ala-zarfi hon ya naheen ye bhi naheen pata ik shoor hai andar barpa mujhe naheen kahabr k kal kia hoga na he kuch fikr hai bas ik khauf hai jo andr pal raha hai . Mujhe wo din yad atay hain jab zindagi ki fikrain mukhtasar or khoobsurat hoti theen. Jab fridge main pepsi khatum honay or chocolate na milnay se ziyada bura kuch naheen hota tha. Guriya jab koi bhai tor deta tha to baba boht danta karte thay or yaqeen delaty thay k bas kal he nayi guriya la k den ge pehle se behtr pehli wali se achi. Umr barhi, fikron ka daira taveel hoa or aj ye alam hai k ye dil roz tot’ta hai or koi dekhnay wala bhi naheen. In palkon pe roz moti atkay rehte hain koi poochta he naheen. Mujhe phir se wahan jana hai jab logon se pyar kia jata tha or cheezon ko istemal. Jab kisi k janay ka koi dar  naheen hota tha jab istemal or mohabbat dono cheezain khalis theen. Naheen mumkin main ab ja paon na he saans le paon , ye banjar zameen taweeel safar ……

- illusiOn ~

Back..

Hey all!

Guess what I am back.. yes back with a bang.. I know that I was disappeared since 23 june ( as that was the latest by me ) um doing great.. yes I am chnaged.. planning to chnage everythingon this blog.. so please join my hand.. ARnav.. i need you... Ste.. though you never visit but i knwo you are there Bro.. Hassan.. i know your by my side.. Maverick.. :) .. Vinay... thank you for always being there..

Please guys i need your prayers tomorrow is an important day in my life..

Love you all !

-IllusiOn~

A Note For My-selF!

Today I have so much to say.. But finding hard to fill words with my emotions, feeling as if my emotions tap if once got opened , the bottles called ' Words ' wont be having much space to have them but still I want to talk , I want to share every single day of mine every single feeling, every single moment of my life.

It tough for me yes it is. This way of life I never seen neither I lived but now I have to live and have to make decisions on my own though in past even I loved to make my own decisions. I never liked anybody else making arrangements for me or taking advantage of my unwilling nature. No matter what I felt in my heart I always stayed quite, clam and strong in front of others. And for that I AM PROUD OF MYSELF.

-illusiOn~

Un-titled ( as I can never name it )

You know I am out of words since last night. I don't have words, feelings or anything. I completely insane at the moment. I am again to my silent mode. I know I know its not your fault and I am not even blaming you but ... I don't know then whom to blame . You are still important I don't know seriously I don't know why. You mean so much to me, last night when I picked your call up I had so much to say, so many ' why's ' were there with in my heart but then when I heard your voice and a ' hello ! ' by you I was shocked honestly. My heart went wild like as it used to beat while you around. You remember her? when we cried secretly hugging each other ,we shared so much together then tell me what went wrong? So wrong that we are parted ? You remember the celebration we had about that engagement thing..? Do you? Do you remember the note you wrote for me in the scribbling book of mine. You always been there for me and so I did then tell me what went wrong? I never was bothered about anyone else but you! tell me why? then what went wrong?

-illusiOn~

Timing..

Different things happen with us on significant timings decided by the one who created us, He the creator, we all though are in circles, moving round and round, intersecting with others, we all walk from one circle to another with out leaving the axis (boundaries) this is how when we reach to North pole from South one other one find himself/ herself on the South one walked from South one..

-illusiOn~

The " I " Factor !

Silently I was walking along the shores.. feeling they are whispering something to me.. what though i don't know but they were defiantly saying something to me something that was soothing me.. my feeling and yeah my hot bloody mind.. Each time i try to resolve my mind from all crap but i get failed.. don't know why.. but I do.. I know i am miserable these days.. I know its hurting me.. as being away from my writing it aches, my heart does..

Take A Step Ahead!

I was fagged and sweaty, after work so I planned to sit in balcony with cup of tea. Since morning weather had been nice and chilly wind was chanting my ears. I am happy? Was I? that's the question always echoing in my mind. I don't know meaning of happiness or I must have forgotten it like I used to forgot my lesson when I was little. But why no one know slaps me, punish me when I am not happy? Why no body notices that I am no more happy.. Is it because nobody have time or is it because I am not important but how its possible that I am not important for a single person in this big world? Where my friends are? Do I have to tell each time how I am? how I ma feeling? Is there no need of just checking by how your friend is? These questions sometime.. they bug me a lot.. As I finished my cup of tea I stand up and viewed the match happening down the lane, there I saw a little cute boy going towards each elder boy I guess they were not letting him play and he wanted too just then I saw he rushed towards the ball dived and caught it .. all the boys clapped and just after that he let him in their team. I don't know why but this event effected my heart and I wrote these lines;

Down the lane,
I saw you with wish to play,
While I was sitting in a cafe,
But elder ones wants you away,
Your heart was now not in your hand,
It had betray,
All of a sudden you caught a foray,
All of them shout a hooray,
And they all accepted,
you as a mainstay!
All you have to do is to say,
As no one holds for you a tray!!! (written by me)

Its impossible that all time you have someone to keep a check on you, to check if you are doing fine or you are not. So next time when you need someone all you have to do is ask for help as asking for help is not a shame..

-illusiOn~

P.S( We often feels nobody cares about us but its never true as all is about saying .. you have to express what you feel in honour to be listened and to get a company)

"WRong is what?" OR "What is wrong?"

I am always feared with my creativity, I don't know why I feel so. As time is passing I am feeling the power in me is getting stronger and vibrant. I am feared by these thoughts..they push me to revolt against my parents, society and people close to me. I don't want to be named as "selfish" or "self-centred" but neither wants to be a "self-less" person. I don't know what I want, that's what I feel but sometimes I feel I know what I want but its just that I don't know how to get it. Life is too short for anything, No? that's the only reason I don't want to disgrace my family. I don't want to hurt them I want them to be happy but at the end of the day they are not. I feel I am alone at the same time I feel I have too many of them that's why I mishandled them like always. I want to be like everyone, want to treat everyone finely but I don't know why I can't. I am failed to distinguish between "what is wrong" and "wrong is what"! Although I want to know.. I wish..

-illusiOn~