Back door Thoughts ~

 

 

It was 3 in the morning when I finally decide to leave staircase on which I was sitting since 2 hours. Deeply drown in my own thoughts, feeling sorry for my own self and  having bad thoughts for him. The lamp above was lighten and was giving a dramatic effect. Unsatisfied me I stand there and I gazed the sky. Weather was clear but no sign of stars. A moon yes my moon it was there as usual . I remember my mother who made me sing ;

‘ Chanda mamu door k,
Pooray pakain bor k,
Ap khain thali main,
Bachon ko dein thali main,
Piyali gayi phoot,
Chanda mama gaye rooth,
Nayi piyali lain ge,
Chanda mama ko manain ge..

Translation:

Have you ever heard it from your mothers? Well I did and I guess all of them in my family we still when see sky and off course the moon our ‘ Chanda Mama ’ we think about it and enjoy.
Life I don’t why is treating me with a hard n fast rules. It keeps on changing very fast, so goes for the rules. I try to cope up but I guess I am still too young to play with time and its accessories like luck,fortune and timing. I left the house but before I move on further I turned and glance back. It was an average built house grey coloured, black gate and a name plate. I love homes rather then houses as I have seen they both carries a difference with in themselves, which obviously is not that prominent. I like the bonding of families unfortunately the generation I belong too is suffering from too much loneliness,depression and psychological problems and the worst part is  the education we are getting. I mention this is ‘ Metaphors & Hurricanes inside ’ ;

I seek a refuge as I want to hide. I know sharing helps but it helps when you are sure the person listening you will make you comfortable rather then getting worried about it. Its nothing like I regret things its just I hate to be the left one. I don’t know how easy its for the other people like me. I know I take things larger then there actual image. I sharing it here because its safe. Even if you misquote anything it wont hurt that badly then previously it did. I know its hard to take a relationship and easy is to end but I guess its easy to end because one full stop is easy to be placed while on the other hand if you place few more when its difficult to continue… I am facing challenges that I shouldn't be at this age I don't know its what my luck bad-luck or something else. I know things but implementing them always makes me fail no matter how many attempts I make. Its nothing that I am ashy person or something like that on people faces  its just I don’t know what to say. I am tired and sick of everything, as I am no more able to work things out. I don’t know how things will get better and how I will be able to cope up with things and change myself for betterment. I want to be a better person, a better human. I don’t know how to do it.

- illusiOn ~