Silent Scream °

(Image courtesy: Deviant Art)

Kon samjhta hai k ye khamoshi, khamoshi k sewa sab kuch hai. Kon janta hai k ye tanhai, tanhai k sewa sab kuch hai. Tum naheen jante, han naheen mante. Tum ne khamoshi se kabhi baten ki hain? Kabhi us khamoshi me chupi sardmuhri mehsos ki hai? Ajeeb sanata rehta hai khamoshi me, itna andhera, itni wehshat k tamam umar guzar jaye phir bhi kamoshi ka karb samjh naheen aa'sakta. Khamoshi me dard hai, bala ka dard, ek gehri cheekh jese koi gumnam, gumshuda zakhmi ho. Esa zakhmi, jo apne upar dhaye janay walay zulm btanay se qasir ho. Kisi ki khamosh k andar jhank kar dekho, to tumhain pata chalay andar kese r'un ka alam hai, jung ki kaifiyat hai, ek kashmakash hai. Ghabrahat hai, bechani, izterab aur ek ajeeb sa shoor hai. Kesi tufan ki amad ka shor. Khamoshi ka raaz sirf khamoosh janta hai. Mje jese aman parast ko khamoshi achi naheen lagti, jab se ama ne bolna sekhaya hai me ne chup rehna naheen chaha. Magar ab chup hun, behad khamosh. Ghanton khamoshi me khamosh. Khamoshi bhi ek l'att hai, lag jaye to chorti he naheen bilkul us zulm ki tarhan jiski l'att zalim ko hojati hai. Bilkul us sipahyi ki trhan jo ek jung se fate'h lotay or jeet l'att me dosri p nikal jaye. Tum mje khamoshi me dekho to samjh jana me khamosh hokar khamoshi k sath khamoshi me halat e jung me hun. Khamosh, khamoshi ko, khamoshi se, khamoshi me, harkar khamosh hojate hain jese me khamosh hun.

- UnhingeD°

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I am no more active here since a long long long time. Reason? lack of inspiration? probably! Not sure. My mind is suffering from writers blockage since few months or a year may be. I am clueless why it happened. But I do miss writing. Writing makes me feel alive, free and living. So much happened lately but what to write is the question to me. A mystery of my heart or mind not sure.

:| I want to write!

Missing…

And winters are finally in a good-bye mode. Another season, another year and the same little brat ‘ME’. Still fighting with all I have inside me as I read somewhere ‘Monsters live inside us’, couldn’t agree more. Its nothing compare to what it was or what it should have been nor it will be in future. Life is odd and we are the most odd creatures. We love those who always reject us, disappoint us, for-granting us. Ignoring those who always have supported us, loved us and helped us in being what we are today. Its been a whole since I sat down and wrote my heart. I do get these writers block mode but this time the broken relationships, friendships, in’s and out’s were difficult for me as a savior even. I am known as a fighter and I believe I am one of those who fight till the last second but at times a fighter gives up while reaching for final second. I have been doing a lot just not writing.

The Little Warrior !!

I am someone who always wanted to protect people from pain and agony. Who is always pushed away from loved ones just like in a fire place, fire brigade staff is pushed away, the sufferers fail to understand they are just helping and saving what is left. The sufferers on the other hand are appositive and are determined to save what is now burn and cause more damage. I am someone who holds sufferer, pulls back and gets a scold, sometimes cries and mostly screams. I just want to let them know what is burn is never undo but we can save what is left. Why risking now for yesterdays pain? Why risking your future for your past. I may sound young, amateur and inexperienced but down the lane my past is full of burning memories. Agony of broken relationships, trust and faith. I just want rest of you to be safe and sure of what is burnt can never be back. All we have is now and here. Each time I fail and I negotiate with my heart not to tell any of them, not to save them. Each time I fail, as watching your family burn because of their past is not easy. I tend to keep myself quiet, promising myself not to shout, not to save but I end up trying. Eventually burning myself with pain of mistrust as they react like every survivor does. I protect my people because I was left in middle of sea by the best divers of life so I could learn swimming on my own and help those who needs. I want to protect because I know the pain of sinking down, I try to save because I know how it is like burning ... Alone!

Child name 'LOVE'

Everyone has a child name 'LOVE' atleast once in their lives. Some people are lucky enough to have it twice but not all of us. Child name 'Love' is gift from heaven indeed. When you first have child name 'love' it drives you like crazy. Never let you sleep, never let your attention divert not even for a moment. Disturbs your routine, your moods, your ambitions, your relationships, your habbits, your likes and dislikes and last but not the least it changes you, as if turns you upside down. You get happy, angry, sad, possesive, excited, thrilled, nervous, confident, empty and complete, all of a sudden. Unfortunately the child name 'love' grows like every other child in this world. This is where things start getting depressing. You lack the bonding, that thrill, affection and you start losing child name 'love'. At first you are happy like all other parents that your child is growing but as time passes you eventually realize the affection, the tenderness it holds in your life is same but the child name 'LOVE' is growing, getting away slowly and unconciously. You happy that the child name 'LOVE' is growing up but you are sad, sad like every teenage's mother who loves her child the same since he was tiny little fellow who knew the 'crying method' to seek attention of his mother who knew what he needs. Teenager who now feels bigger, stronger and intelligent enough to think for his own good and dislikes interference. Every parent seems helpless in this case so do the mother of child name 'LOVE'. She fights with paa (father of the child name 'Love'), objects him, does all those naggings that insures paa to shattered their family and find another lady for himself and the child called 'Love'. Fear of losing the child name 'LOVE' drives sometimes us to murder our own child name 'Love'. Fear of nothing but future and consequential loss, we kill our child love. Child name 'love's career n future, all the ifs and buts associated with the child name 'love's future and fear of being let down by child aggravates the situation. And finaly no one get to know what fears and expectations induced parent to kill their very own child name 'LOVE'

     .                                    Stop killing child name 'Love'

P.S ( Love is not about specific gender its all about specific feeling. Let your feeling live. Let yourself have the child name LOVE forever)

If death come across me!

Sibt e Jafer Zaidi’s martyrdom was not just another Shiite genocide it is a greater loss then just losing a person. It was just not an easy day! But despite everything my mind was busy thinking what would be if I would be next. Just another ordinary Shiite, next day funeral, few cries and then again people will restart lives. That’s is exactly how things should work. I firmly believe everything do comes with an expiry date and our Lord knows it well no one simply no one can kill us without HIS permission. But before I meet death I want to talk to some people, hard to implement because few of them are not in my life anymore and for the rest, well life is busy! So here it goes;

  MANNO I love you, I know it extremely complicated and everything and I may never be able to meet you again or hear you or see you but deep down in my heart I love you and I wish all the best to you. You probably never read this or see this but I wish I could hug you for the last time :) Your name is still password of my smile :*
BAJ you were amazing, no one could ever take your place. You are best guardian I could ever have. Yes we are no more in contact for years now and you may never be able to read this still LOVE YOU!! :-*
SAI baby you taught me how to act like grown up. Taught me all the tips and showed me all the gadgets to have in life and face it with high head. I believe you are happy :-)
HASAN we talk and then we don’t talk for ages but the bond we share is amazing. No matter how long we don’t talk but when we start talking its like we never was out of touch.
EDDY just want to thank you for all the learning of life and people.
SIR SHAMSHAD you are a savior :)

For all the people I have in life;

DAD you were, you are and you always will be my hero. No matter how hard life is and what it brings, together we will face :* The amazing thing is, I am still your 5 yr old baby :* No need to say I love you but if I don’t live anymore just remember I LOVE YOU for who you are!
AMA I hate world bringing tears to these beautiful eyes. Not having anything from you in features and not resembling you was my all time disappointment. I wanted, always wanted to look like you. I salute you for making me who I am today. I might me not be a medal for you but still I love how you managed me and your other four kids ;)
URJ I know I am the only fellow you cant stand in this world but still I try my best to protect and love you :*
AIL you are a guardian angel to me. I still remember you making me smile. <3
ACID you are our (mine & Urj's) saheli since you were born
AMOO KHANUM you are an idiot.
AEEEL I may not be visible anymore but I still care.
MISH u evol I . You are like winter’s afternoon always warm and welcoming for me. The chill, laughter, hangout and bitchiness, nothing is comparable.
SIB my strong girl. I love your audio clips on whatsapp :*. I love everything we had in KERBALA just a night and a day but it was amazing. The pursa, the random life discussions made know what you never said. I am proud of you :)


For rest of the people, I might be wrong every where but then I do have my own logics that are right to me. I am sorry for hurting people by my acts and words but that was just for that specific situation. Its nothing emotional just wanted to make MY PEOPLE know I still love them and always will !

<3

Chota pack!

I was awfully upset so I drove myself to a colony park and sat down on nearest bench with eyes closed, my innocent attempt to relax my nerves. A few minutes of silence, unknowing storm was on way to change my life forever. I just had a big fight with my girl-friend. Why women are so complicated! its simple impossible for man like me to understand them. Who else can fight on stupid things like; ‘You didn’t text me the whole day’, ‘You should tell me not to go’ (why on earth one will go to somewhere where they don’t want to go) blah blah!! I was sinking deep in my thoughts when all of sudden I felt someone was there with me. I opened my eyes and I saw a cute little girl sitting next to me with i-pod. I don't know why but I smiled to myself, she was busy in her own ( but women they do have sense of knowing they are being watched). That little version too caught me gazing her. Instead of returning a smile, she made a face and ignored me completely (see they are like ‘this’ since their birth).

‘Hello!’ I made an attempt to introduce myself which didn't help at all. She still was having ear-phones in head and was not even looking at me. I tapped her shoulder and she frowned.
‘WHAT!’ She said as if I disturbed her. (Silently I sat back realizing the fact that I fumble when its women before me).
‘I am sorry I disturbed you baby’ Instead of giving me a a curve called smile she frowned just like my girl friend used to do when she hate me for something.
‘ I am not a baby! ’ With a disapproval in her eyes she put back her headphone and brush off me. Ouch! yes ignorance hurts. I lowered my back and ease my self on bench when someone poked me. She was looking me with her beautiful eyes, studying me as if wants to know whole of me (my girlfriend studies me same way when we end up an argument).
‘ What you did? ’ I was looking her with surprise on my face frankly she asked me something that a stranger finds difficult to inquire from someone in first meeting. Her candid eyes were focused on me (so girly)
‘ What do you mean by that? ’ I liked talking to her. I guess its easy talking to strangers about issues you feel helpless with known ones.
‘ He sits the same way when he upsets me! ’ She raised her hand pointing a fingers to right most corner. I focus on corner where she pointed and saw a little macho young boy alone on a bench trying not to look us but still giving us glance after short intervals.
‘ Who is he? ’ I asked her.
‘ He and I were getting married but now we are not!!! ’ She gave him a glimpse with a corner smile and then turning her face to me (giving him a ‘get-lost’ signs). I was astound. All of a sudden someone patted my shoulder from back as I turned I saw same young boy she pointed standing at my back.
‘ Leave her alone! ’ Such a demanding, aggressive, jealous voice. He came in front pointing his little finger to me.
‘ Harry leave him he is not him ’ She defended me by making it clear I am not the same ‘him’ he hates.
‘ Whoever he is. Why he is talking to you? We aren’t talking to each other, this doesn’t mean you start talking to him or anyone. ’ His voice had entire worlds care, affection and jealousy. I couldn’t help smiling.
‘ Come lets go home. I will give you my all candies. Your mum asked you not to talk to strangers, they kidnap kids from parks. Remember! ’ I could sense all he wanted was to take his girl away from me and this entire world.
‘ But……

To Be Continued…

- unhinGed`