be-rabt!

Mujhe naheen maloom shayer shairi main kisko khojtay rahte hain. Kia gulaab ka zikr krte hoay bhi wo us pari-wsh ki tasveer ankhon main sajaye hotay hain ya dehaaan main bas woi gulaab uski narmi basi hoti hai. Mujhe ye bhi naheen maloom bananay wala khoobsurti ko, kamal par foqiyat deta hai ya naheen. Mujhe bas itna pata hai k mera din dhalnay se lekar subh-e-sehr tak unwannay guftago ik he zaat hai. Kuch soochain hoti he itni haseen hain k alfaaz unke liye kam par jatay hain wo to phir shaks hai. Main naheen chahti k wo kabhi bhi yeh parhay meri tehreeer samjh kar magar kabhi parhay agr to un andekhay jazbat ko jinhun ne majboran mujh se ye likhwaya. Main ab tak halat-e-khuwab main hon, ho sakta hai jab ankh kholay to yeh sab mojood he na ho magar jo abhi hai wo haseentareen hai. Hosakta hai wo mujhe na chahta ho magar meri mohabbat k liye yeh zaroori he kab raha hai ab ya shayed yeh bhi ik farzi baat hai. Abhi khuwab main hon to kehna asaan hai. Han uski judayi shaaak hogi dil par magar ……

State…

Ages back I wrote a whole story on state of being alone and loneliness. But time this time chosen me to experiment loneliness being alone. Both the state when are chosen by you seems to be a blessing but when they are rewarded to you, you are hostage with infinite thoughts and negative energy. energy can neither be created nor can be destroyed I raatta-fied (memorized) it for my physics papers 10th grade not even understanding that we all need to keep on bringing improvements in  our inner  energies ..

Be-rabtagi…

Agr ye lafz kafi hon to main likhon mujhe jo kuch be likhna hai, ‘me’ se ‘tum’ ka safar ab te’h he karna hai. Naheen ye nazm, jisse tum bhool jaoge. Naheen ye khat jisse tum gar jaldo to saboot-e-mohabbat mit he jayega. Mere aghaz se lekar mere anjam tak ye safar bohat he be-yaqee’n sa hai. Karon main kia k yahan jeena he itna mushkil hai… Bas sanson ki he rawani hai. Na Rawaiyon main wo pehlay si khush-numayi hai, na guftar me wo halawat hai. Yahan to wo alam hai k ghubaray bhi phathain to dar sa lagta hai. Hujoom dekh kar sansain apni raftar kho bethti hain. Zameen jo pani se dhulnay ki adi thi wo khud par  behta hoa lahoo dekhay bhi to kaise? Mujhe na janay kiun ye lagta hai zameen jab khiraj apna mangay gi tab karain ge kia?? Ye khudsakhta bekhuaf deen k muhafiz kahain ge kia, karain ge kia? Gar KHUDA ko ghazab aya??

:S

I don't know if things, people and expectations are too important in ones life that your own self is ignored by none other than you. I am alone on the roof and feeling lonely. You might be thinking why I used word ‘lonely’ when I already mention ‘alone’. It is because I beleive loneliness and being alone are two entire different state. I might not be correct but when this blog was made by me to write things that are correct. Change is yes constant but living with it, coping all your life just with changes it seems difficult but yes changes when unconsciously take place, we all adapt them as easily and pepsi’s new packaging.

Memories….

I was young when I used to see my elders a little sad while burning some letters, papers or a note I always wonder why being sad when you are tearing them yourself. Time passed away leaving so many ‘ why’s, what’s ’ for me. Last night while burning all those memories of you, having tears in my eyes explained me its not words on those papers that makes you cry but the immense feelings attached. Why burning of papers when you can never burn up the memories attached.

I was being used…

We all often hear and say the line ‘ I was being used ’ after being hurt by our loved ones. Well to be honest this is the first thing that hits your mind when someone let you down because of whatever reason. The after effects may vary from person to person and heart to heart but they are mostly unforgettable. I am not here to repeat all those things which are already in you or you have been through. I was hit by this idea last evening when I was bit angry on some issues and was busy in making faces.

Well, you may not agree to this but do think at least once about it.

I don’t agree with the word web and its results, I mean OK I look for words in it but this is too created by one of us. Errors are possible! OK if it means taking advantage but then we all take advantage of one an another. I mean why do most of us mind in being used? even me! We do use each other intentionally or un-intentionally. Whatever the relation we share, no matter who we are we do use people and they use. As far as my learning says problem arise when you are not paid or you don’t get a return of what you did for someone. But then this is the only way possible, to judge and know what kind of people surrounds you. I know when you are hurt, you are numb and dumb, I mean seriously this happens. But then that’s the big time of changing  yourself, strengthening the I .

For example, you use a servant for daily household chores, servant never complains as long as he is being paid. This means satisfaction is obtained. But incase he/she leave your work or demand for a raise in salary that will probably because he/she feels being USED as more work is taken then the wage.

Similarly, you are used by people you love on anything, may it be a favor or help. The only time you are hit with a ‘ BEING USED ’ feeling is when the return is not sufficient or not satisfactory. The moment you think you are giving more to a relation then its return to you by another, the feeling of ‘ BEING USED ’ arises. We normally don't realize that there is a give and take rule surrounding our whole life.

So next time, whenever you have this feeling of being used, exploit  arrives think about what's the main reason ? Its not the ‘being used’ element its just that you either expecting a little high from the other one, or its something that is lacking. As you are using things and people and you are used by them too.

I may sound fishy or complete non-sense but this is where I am different…

Head n Heart game… (part 2)

Next 3 days went like usual I didn’t even had a glimpse of him. I don’t know why but yes I was thinking about him all the time. My brother was still angry so he was forgiven and with that  On the third day when I was convinced that it all was the result of all the romantic fantasized novels I love to read but hey! as far as I know I am a very practical kind of person. Though I enjoyed reading them but since when I started believing them? I cursed my self. I rushed back home and quickly I changed my clothes for nap. I love sleeping, as it was so far my only love. I escape lunch and lied on my bed but couldn’t sleep again with him on my head I mean WTF is wrong with me. I made myself assured that tomorrow only I am going to do something about it not assured of what but yes something. Later that evening I was informed that I need to go along with my parents to attend a wedding. While looking for a suitable dress I empty my whole wardrobe and I chose a green dress. I went near mirror and place it next to my body and I looked in mirror and there I saw him again. He was there sitting in my open window, the best corner of my room. His eyes were focusing me and I again couldn’t find enough strength to turn and say anything to him… I looked down avoiding him and I heard him speaking for the very first time.

‘ Why don’t you try this red! ’ He pointed out red which was gifted to me by a friend of mine. A very traditional work of thread with combination of green and coffee color which was  enhancing the beauty of red…

I looked up and he was not there, I cursed myself and I was sure that I was suffering from hallucination and that’s sit.  I was still with that green frock in front of mirror  when my sister came in. Frowning face as if she is going to vomit and as this clicks my mind I just think a bit loud;

‘ If you are feeling like vomit I should be clearing you that this is not your washroom but my room so please… ( I mumble LEAVE ) ’.
‘ I know its useless coming to you, you FAUNA! mama wants you to hurry up ’ she left …  I sighed and dressed in green avoiding my heart which was forcing me to get dressed in red O_O. I put on my accessories, shoes and I rushed down. Through out the function I was seeking him. I was having a feeling that he is watching me. Later that night we step back home and step in my room with small and silent steps but my room was empty. To be honest I was disappointed not because of him but because of my thoughts, may be because I wanted him to be with me. I changed my clothes, re-arrange my ward-robe and I sat down resting my back with bed’s wall  with close eyes. People say when you need a quick rest close your eyes, I believe when you need to think a bit high and loud close your eyes as this way your mind just don't follow the ways your eyes shows but it discovers more. I don’t know why but I missed my friends, the older ones who once were with me but now they are no more in my life. May be I am wanting him just because of vacant space in my life… I slept there only thinking,reasoning and predicting him when someone touched me…

(Continued)

- UnhingeD