Troglodyte ! ( From The Dark Tunnel )

I hated people , highly isolated me was deep in pain and loss. Though at my outer core was at peace but I wish someone could look into the hidden me , someone who could see my busted aims, future and above all my shattered soul. I wanted consolation but as I mentioned before too I didn't wanted people’s sympathies. Totally confused, completely drown in my own injuries. And then it rained, I was sitting on one of the stairs bemused in my thoughts. Rain made me wet but I was not in a mood to leave my place so I sat there, facing the sky, keeping my eyes closed. I felt rain droplets on my face rolling down. I was all wet, completely soaked, and then there came a point where I felt like losing my strength I wanted to shout I felt like God was there after days of mistrust and incredulity I finally was gaining my trust, my faith back. But I couldn’t as before I could act on my wish I heard a horn down my main gate and I had to close my mouth as he (my dad) was here. Tears came out of eyes combining with droplets of rain rolling down my face towards nick making shirt wet. I wiped my eyes, I heard my cell-phone ringing. It kept on ringing few times and then it was quite may be because of battery as I didn’t recharged it since 3 days. That night I missed my mama the most. Though several times she tried talking to me and on call she did her very best to console me but it was hard for me to stop my screams at the edge my vocal cord only before they could come out. I left my virtual contacts, real friends, relatives, my own family, I was quite like never before. The feeling was odd and was giving me a real pain. It made me felt like I am complete loser and a failure and this was the very first time. [Yeah yeah! I know there always comes a first time] …

I decided to stop thinking about everything and give my mind a rest. I left  my routine and started a new one. August was tough but September was the toughest. Eid was there just wround the corner and even Ramzan started, but couldn’t pay attention on anything. I knew I lost my complete focus but I tried my hard not to show others till I retain it and get back to my track. I always believed that ‘we never can back to the previous track as we always move ahead with more and new things in our hands , with more experience and  guts to face the new up-coming challenges in future. Well, that's my own theory or you may call it a stupid philosophy.’

Yes! I hated the fact that at the age of 22 years I was still without a boy friend. Its nothing like I am desperate but yeah! sometimes it hurts, the complete loneliness hurts. I wanted a person to love me like he loved never before but … Its stupid of me to wish for a guy when many other things that I could easily with only rising my hand were still out of my reach. Yes! I  believed LOVE but its good to feel it as a dream, its not possible in real life. People here may would disagree but I am not a new born. I am 22 year old woman to be.

I am a person who rarely listens to heart why ? because ‘Backwas karta hai yeh sala!’. Its always put me in crisis, always making me having mishaps and I am tired but sometime back I read a fact file where they said;

There is no connection between heart and emotions because of which when you get stressed you get heart-attack while when you get emotionally hurt you get a nervous break-down.

I don't know how correct this is and who cares as all these things gave me nothing but a strong strength and I am sure that these all disasters are only in there my life just to prove how STRONG I am..

To Be Continued..

- illusiOn ~

P.S ( guys please no assumptions this is a story rather then calculating the reality and fantasy enjoy, feel and cherish a girls life)