Un-titled ( as I can never name it )

You know I am out of words since last night. I don't have words, feelings or anything. I completely insane at the moment. I am again to my silent mode. I know I know its not your fault and I am not even blaming you but ... I don't know then whom to blame . You are still important I don't know seriously I don't know why. You mean so much to me, last night when I picked your call up I had so much to say, so many ' why's ' were there with in my heart but then when I heard your voice and a ' hello ! ' by you I was shocked honestly. My heart went wild like as it used to beat while you around. You remember her? when we cried secretly hugging each other ,we shared so much together then tell me what went wrong? So wrong that we are parted ? You remember the celebration we had about that engagement thing..? Do you? Do you remember the note you wrote for me in the scribbling book of mine. You always been there for me and so I did then tell me what went wrong? I never was bothered about anyone else but you! tell me why? then what went wrong?

-illusiOn~

A Nightingale ! ( My .. * )

A NIGHTINGALE !

He saw her for the very first time while he was glancing round the area. She was dressed in red coat with a black skirt. She looked quite dirty one, but her looks made him stare her like fools. He never come across such beautiful, magnificent and wonderful eyes. Pain , affection, affection they have so much floating in them. She was without any make-over and honestly speaking she didn't needed one.. He felt bad for her who was now playing with mud. He went near by and said;

' Hey ' He wanted to listen her voice but she didn't respond

He few more times tried talking to her but she avoided and instead of answering she left the area. Next evening he again came there and found her in very same dress and yet again with mud. He tried talking but she refused like the first day, next two days he tried the same and got the very same results. After 3 days or so having flickers in his eyes he went close by, luckily this time she didn't ran away in lieu she continue what she was doing. He sat there without saying ' hello ' this time. Few minutes of silence she stood up and started walking and he followed her

' Hey ' He said with a desperation in his voice
' Hey ' he was amused as her voice was beautiful like she was but she continued her walk so he ran after her.
' Wait ' Racing towards her he stood right in front of her so that his body can make her stop
' What? ' She said giving him a hard look
' Err... just wanted to know your name ' He said avoiding her rudeness
' Tara.. ' And with that she continued walking
' I am Sameer ' He said from behind
' Good for you ' She said before turning down the tunnel and left him startle.

Later that evening he went to Boston for two weeks but there too, those two eyes followed him. He was a party boy but even in dances he couldn't take his eyes off the image of those eyes present in his mind. Following week he went to a formal date with Seliona Albert but instead of praising her beauty he kept on thinking about those features of an unknown girl which was instantly noticed by Seliona and this ruined his perfect date. On the day of his return again he was in trouble because of those two eyes and he messed up with a girl which resulted as a slap placed on his left cheek. Finally he came back next evening with flowers in his hand, words in jumbled order in his head he went to the lake side hoping to see her. He was dressed in a formal suit and hoped same for the girl as it would be biggest day for the girl, he was going to propose the girl as in his view he was deeply in love. As reach there his eyes search her thirstily but he failed as there was no sign of her. Finally at 6:00 he decided to leave while passing the oak tree he saw someone, an average looking old man with a brown hat in peculiar behavior as if he was searching someone.He looked around and finally his eyes caught her, hiding herself in an oak tree, with its leaves sitting on a branch, he quickly looked at the other side as he didn't wanted old man to notice her as he guessed the girl was hiding from the old man. He walked around keeping himself near by the tree and finally as the darkness arises old man walked away. Moments later girl jump down to the boys abatement she came toward him with a quickness.. Eyes that made him restless were filled with water. She came closer and hurriedly she put his hand on his coat plundering them and whispered;

' Give me a penny please! please give me a penny, he will kill me I need to give him the money give me the penny ' She said frenzily and without a word he handed all money he had from his wallet to her palm.

She dazed him for few seconds and then ran away, he sat down on his knees facing the sky. Tears roll down her eyes and flowers fallen down his hand . He cried silently without making noise but then only he heard something something scary which made noise, loud noise, a roar by the clouds and it rained. He felt like clouds were his partner in crime. He looked again the sky hoping that sky had noticed what just happened how he lost his nightingale. How he will be able to forget those eyes, eyes which had so much in them. Which filled by so much purity, hope, sadness, happiness, will he ever be able to forget them? He will never be able to come here again to see his chirping nightingale ... never again..


-illusiOn~

P.S( I wanted to make it for WL but then I will post it on weekend )

Timing..

Different things happen with us on significant timings decided by the one who created us, He the creator, we all though are in circles, moving round and round, intersecting with others, we all walk from one circle to another with out leaving the axis (boundaries) this is how when we reach to North pole from South one other one find himself/ herself on the South one walked from South one..

-illusiOn~

A Stubborn Princess ~

A STUBBORN PRINCESS !

I dont know why, and for what I wrote these lines, which are now very important in my life. Right after I wrote them I felt I wrote my brain out (I am not sure if this line even make a sense I am just scribbling what I am feeling). Check what I wrote:

' How I can sit in the middle of road with flow of heavy traffic ,

even when my feets are fatigued, how to walk?

who to call?. How I can shout in such a way that

my voice could be listen in between so much crowd.. How?? '

I shared this with a friend of mine , a very special person in my life and let me share what he said without giving you his name ;) ;

Me: i wrote this without ny reason

He: we r poets , dreamers we dont need reasons :) U can sit nt in da middle o f da road bt by its side.....watchin as life moves on relentless holding his hand to make sure u r where u want to be..

Me: i want to sit in the middle na..

He: when u feet r tired he'll just carry u, u r stubborn, arent u :P middle main kya karogi raaste ke

Me: yeah i am.. :)

He: nyways will find u a nice quiet sidelane

Me: proud one ;)

He: where u can sit all u want

Me: i want traffic to be stopped for me.. ;)

He: and u dnt need to shout to make ur voice heard..... so u want a traffic policeman :P

Me: i want to sit in the middle of the road like a stubborn kid..

He: throwing tantrums :P u wldnt need to shout to make urself heard....one look at ur eyes...nd he wld know dat sumthng was wrong...nd he wld run to ur side....to hold u...to listen to u...to ......love you

Me: no i dont want him i want crowd to beg me to leave the road so taht they can move on i want people to tell me that how important is it for them.. how important is my going moving away from road

He: Even if da crowd tell u...as stubborn as u r....ur not gonna move so he'll hav to cum along nd coax nd cajole u....nd finally wen u dnt liseen...he'll just pick u up in his arms nd take u away

Me: why u want me to dream when i want to forget dreams.. ?

He: bcoz I want u to c dreams which i knw u deserve nd i knw ull find sumone who'll complete dem fr u...wid u u dnt knw how special u r....wat u r....if only I could tell u... wat wld I not give fr......

So Let's dream.. :)

He calls me PRINCESS, and I asked him why he say so;

Me: why u call me princess?

He: jst a princess coz u hav all da qualities to b one :)

Me: wht kinda quality?

He: lets c u r talented hav a way wid words hav grace hav a temper...get angry u say u hav an ego though i havent spotted any nd most of all u r way too beautiful I wld luv to c u in off da shoulders white crimson red gown wid a tiara on ur head wid ur hair let down.. u wld luk heavenly, divine

When he described I felt like I am really a PRINCESS~

-illusiOn~

Silence..

Silence...!

Ever heard the voice of silence.. Well I certainly wish to hear the voice of silence as I firmly belief it has a language, language that is unknown to most of us. I don't know how easy or how difficult this language is but sitting with resting my back on couch I am thinking just about it. Silence is what I can never explain it has multi-definitions very from one to another. I feel its just like love, no body can actually explain silence to anyone or can they?
Life has given me I guess more then I deserved but I belong to a group of people who are happy with what they have but there eyes are focused on what's coming next. Though I believe I don't have hunger of money, fame or all but I believe we all enjoy if we ever able to get them but I prefer back stage as its peaceful, calm and silent. Sometimes this silence hurts me but most of the time I enjoy it alot.

Sometimes I think,
I am nobody but a,
Lost soul,
Embolden by my loved ones who,
Now and then force me to live,
Comfort me with a acceptance though,
Eagre of loss still is with me..

-illusiOn~

my escape..

I know I am trying to run away. Run away from life, its issues, the reality but I don't have any choice left. Or do I have? I don't know what to talk with people when they finally reach after taking time from their busy schedule all of sudden while talking I am left speechless all of sudden I am without hope, love and all. I feel loss of my emotions with passage of time its increasing the loss in getting greater and I feel no way out.. THE ESCAPE IS ALL I HAVE..

Something.. more then a relaity.. more then a fact..

I dont know why i wrote it.. what made me.. but.. i did.. and here it is..

Mujhe hameesha aisa lagta raha k main or tum ik he kashti ke do muasfir hain or is guman main kabhi pata he naheen chala k main or tum na sirf mukhtalif raston k musafir hain bulkay humaray lkhuwab, mazilain sab he kuch alag hai hum to bas milay thay ghari do ghari k liye bilkul aise he jaise do musfir ik he rastay par kuch dair safr kartay hoay, saath chaltay hoay, ik dosray ko ik muskurahat se nawaz diya karte hain bas yehi haqiqat hai meray tumaharay is benaam rishtay ki. Han! mera gumaan tha tumhara saath .. tumhari humrahi, shyed meray lashaur k kisi goshay ki nanhi se khuwahish thi.. bas ik khuwahish..

Jantay ho ab jo yeh mulaqat apne anjaam ko aa pohanchi hai to yun lag raha hai k main lab-e-ja'an hon .. neem murda halat main .. tumhain yun yaad kar rahi hon jaise koi dam-e-marg sokhay galay main chubhnay walay kanton ki shidat se, us dard se bachnay k liye, ja'an kani ki halat main pani ko talab karta hai, bilkul aisi hi talb hai meri tumharay liye.. magar tumhain kiun fikr hogi k tumharay liye to aj tak humara rishta koi rishta he na tha to dard ho bhi to kiun .. Jana bhi zaroori hai k rasta abhi baqi hai magar jantay ho manzil par pohanchnay tak main har bar palat kar dekhti rahon gi k tumharay laut anay ka imkaam hameesha meri ankhon main rahega .. dil main rahega .. wajood main rahega.. Ab tum chaho lauto ya na lauto main is imkaan ko maqsad-e-hayat bana kar safar ki baqi sobatain teh karlon gi magar manzil par pohanchna ab or bhi mushkil hoga k humrahi ki surat main ab tum naheen honge.. Meri jeet par taali bajanay ke liye tumharay do mazboot hath naheen honge.. mujhe sahara denay k liye tumhara kandha naheen hoga magar ik tumharay janay se kia main akaili waqai hojaon gi? kia koi meray saath naheen hoga..? Agar yeh sach hai to phir .. Kia mera muslmaan kehlana khud ko jaiz hoga? Kia ik tumharay janay se mera har khushi ko bhool jana sahih hoga? Kia ik tumharay zindagi se nikal janay par main bilkul besahara hojaongi? Agar yeh saray khudshay sahih hain meri sooch sahih hai to kia mujhe haq hai main khud ko MUSLIM keh la sakoon? Main jo baray fakhar se 18 saal tak apne har forum par religion k agay ISLAM or MUSLIM likhti rahi kia main dhoka deti rahi har ik ko sameet apnay?

-illusiOn~