Un-titled ( as I can never name it )

You know I am out of words since last night. I don't have words, feelings or anything. I completely insane at the moment. I am again to my silent mode. I know I know its not your fault and I am not even blaming you but ... I don't know then whom to blame . You are still important I don't know seriously I don't know why. You mean so much to me, last night when I picked your call up I had so much to say, so many ' why's ' were there with in my heart but then when I heard your voice and a ' hello ! ' by you I was shocked honestly. My heart went wild like as it used to beat while you around. You remember her? when we cried secretly hugging each other ,we shared so much together then tell me what went wrong? So wrong that we are parted ? You remember the celebration we had about that engagement thing..? Do you? Do you remember the note you wrote for me in the scribbling book of mine. You always been there for me and so I did then tell me what went wrong? I never was bothered about anyone else but you! tell me why? then what went wrong?

-illusiOn~

A Nightingale ! ( My .. * )

A NIGHTINGALE !

He saw her for the very first time while he was glancing round the area. She was dressed in red coat with a black skirt. She looked quite dirty one, but her looks made him stare her like fools. He never come across such beautiful, magnificent and wonderful eyes. Pain , affection, affection they have so much floating in them. She was without any make-over and honestly speaking she didn't needed one.. He felt bad for her who was now playing with mud. He went near by and said;

' Hey ' He wanted to listen her voice but she didn't respond

He few more times tried talking to her but she avoided and instead of answering she left the area. Next evening he again came there and found her in very same dress and yet again with mud. He tried talking but she refused like the first day, next two days he tried the same and got the very same results. After 3 days or so having flickers in his eyes he went close by, luckily this time she didn't ran away in lieu she continue what she was doing. He sat there without saying ' hello ' this time. Few minutes of silence she stood up and started walking and he followed her

' Hey ' He said with a desperation in his voice
' Hey ' he was amused as her voice was beautiful like she was but she continued her walk so he ran after her.
' Wait ' Racing towards her he stood right in front of her so that his body can make her stop
' What? ' She said giving him a hard look
' Err... just wanted to know your name ' He said avoiding her rudeness
' Tara.. ' And with that she continued walking
' I am Sameer ' He said from behind
' Good for you ' She said before turning down the tunnel and left him startle.

Later that evening he went to Boston for two weeks but there too, those two eyes followed him. He was a party boy but even in dances he couldn't take his eyes off the image of those eyes present in his mind. Following week he went to a formal date with Seliona Albert but instead of praising her beauty he kept on thinking about those features of an unknown girl which was instantly noticed by Seliona and this ruined his perfect date. On the day of his return again he was in trouble because of those two eyes and he messed up with a girl which resulted as a slap placed on his left cheek. Finally he came back next evening with flowers in his hand, words in jumbled order in his head he went to the lake side hoping to see her. He was dressed in a formal suit and hoped same for the girl as it would be biggest day for the girl, he was going to propose the girl as in his view he was deeply in love. As reach there his eyes search her thirstily but he failed as there was no sign of her. Finally at 6:00 he decided to leave while passing the oak tree he saw someone, an average looking old man with a brown hat in peculiar behavior as if he was searching someone.He looked around and finally his eyes caught her, hiding herself in an oak tree, with its leaves sitting on a branch, he quickly looked at the other side as he didn't wanted old man to notice her as he guessed the girl was hiding from the old man. He walked around keeping himself near by the tree and finally as the darkness arises old man walked away. Moments later girl jump down to the boys abatement she came toward him with a quickness.. Eyes that made him restless were filled with water. She came closer and hurriedly she put his hand on his coat plundering them and whispered;

' Give me a penny please! please give me a penny, he will kill me I need to give him the money give me the penny ' She said frenzily and without a word he handed all money he had from his wallet to her palm.

She dazed him for few seconds and then ran away, he sat down on his knees facing the sky. Tears roll down her eyes and flowers fallen down his hand . He cried silently without making noise but then only he heard something something scary which made noise, loud noise, a roar by the clouds and it rained. He felt like clouds were his partner in crime. He looked again the sky hoping that sky had noticed what just happened how he lost his nightingale. How he will be able to forget those eyes, eyes which had so much in them. Which filled by so much purity, hope, sadness, happiness, will he ever be able to forget them? He will never be able to come here again to see his chirping nightingale ... never again..


-illusiOn~

P.S( I wanted to make it for WL but then I will post it on weekend )

Timing..

Different things happen with us on significant timings decided by the one who created us, He the creator, we all though are in circles, moving round and round, intersecting with others, we all walk from one circle to another with out leaving the axis (boundaries) this is how when we reach to North pole from South one other one find himself/ herself on the South one walked from South one..

-illusiOn~

A Stubborn Princess ~

A STUBBORN PRINCESS !

I dont know why, and for what I wrote these lines, which are now very important in my life. Right after I wrote them I felt I wrote my brain out (I am not sure if this line even make a sense I am just scribbling what I am feeling). Check what I wrote:

' How I can sit in the middle of road with flow of heavy traffic ,

even when my feets are fatigued, how to walk?

who to call?. How I can shout in such a way that

my voice could be listen in between so much crowd.. How?? '

I shared this with a friend of mine , a very special person in my life and let me share what he said without giving you his name ;) ;

Me: i wrote this without ny reason

He: we r poets , dreamers we dont need reasons :) U can sit nt in da middle o f da road bt by its side.....watchin as life moves on relentless holding his hand to make sure u r where u want to be..

Me: i want to sit in the middle na..

He: when u feet r tired he'll just carry u, u r stubborn, arent u :P middle main kya karogi raaste ke

Me: yeah i am.. :)

He: nyways will find u a nice quiet sidelane

Me: proud one ;)

He: where u can sit all u want

Me: i want traffic to be stopped for me.. ;)

He: and u dnt need to shout to make ur voice heard..... so u want a traffic policeman :P

Me: i want to sit in the middle of the road like a stubborn kid..

He: throwing tantrums :P u wldnt need to shout to make urself heard....one look at ur eyes...nd he wld know dat sumthng was wrong...nd he wld run to ur side....to hold u...to listen to u...to ......love you

Me: no i dont want him i want crowd to beg me to leave the road so taht they can move on i want people to tell me that how important is it for them.. how important is my going moving away from road

He: Even if da crowd tell u...as stubborn as u r....ur not gonna move so he'll hav to cum along nd coax nd cajole u....nd finally wen u dnt liseen...he'll just pick u up in his arms nd take u away

Me: why u want me to dream when i want to forget dreams.. ?

He: bcoz I want u to c dreams which i knw u deserve nd i knw ull find sumone who'll complete dem fr u...wid u u dnt knw how special u r....wat u r....if only I could tell u... wat wld I not give fr......

So Let's dream.. :)

He calls me PRINCESS, and I asked him why he say so;

Me: why u call me princess?

He: jst a princess coz u hav all da qualities to b one :)

Me: wht kinda quality?

He: lets c u r talented hav a way wid words hav grace hav a temper...get angry u say u hav an ego though i havent spotted any nd most of all u r way too beautiful I wld luv to c u in off da shoulders white crimson red gown wid a tiara on ur head wid ur hair let down.. u wld luk heavenly, divine

When he described I felt like I am really a PRINCESS~

-illusiOn~

Silence..

Silence...!

Ever heard the voice of silence.. Well I certainly wish to hear the voice of silence as I firmly belief it has a language, language that is unknown to most of us. I don't know how easy or how difficult this language is but sitting with resting my back on couch I am thinking just about it. Silence is what I can never explain it has multi-definitions very from one to another. I feel its just like love, no body can actually explain silence to anyone or can they?
Life has given me I guess more then I deserved but I belong to a group of people who are happy with what they have but there eyes are focused on what's coming next. Though I believe I don't have hunger of money, fame or all but I believe we all enjoy if we ever able to get them but I prefer back stage as its peaceful, calm and silent. Sometimes this silence hurts me but most of the time I enjoy it alot.

Sometimes I think,
I am nobody but a,
Lost soul,
Embolden by my loved ones who,
Now and then force me to live,
Comfort me with a acceptance though,
Eagre of loss still is with me..

-illusiOn~

my escape..

I know I am trying to run away. Run away from life, its issues, the reality but I don't have any choice left. Or do I have? I don't know what to talk with people when they finally reach after taking time from their busy schedule all of sudden while talking I am left speechless all of sudden I am without hope, love and all. I feel loss of my emotions with passage of time its increasing the loss in getting greater and I feel no way out.. THE ESCAPE IS ALL I HAVE..

Something.. more then a relaity.. more then a fact..

I dont know why i wrote it.. what made me.. but.. i did.. and here it is..

Mujhe hameesha aisa lagta raha k main or tum ik he kashti ke do muasfir hain or is guman main kabhi pata he naheen chala k main or tum na sirf mukhtalif raston k musafir hain bulkay humaray lkhuwab, mazilain sab he kuch alag hai hum to bas milay thay ghari do ghari k liye bilkul aise he jaise do musfir ik he rastay par kuch dair safr kartay hoay, saath chaltay hoay, ik dosray ko ik muskurahat se nawaz diya karte hain bas yehi haqiqat hai meray tumaharay is benaam rishtay ki. Han! mera gumaan tha tumhara saath .. tumhari humrahi, shyed meray lashaur k kisi goshay ki nanhi se khuwahish thi.. bas ik khuwahish..

Jantay ho ab jo yeh mulaqat apne anjaam ko aa pohanchi hai to yun lag raha hai k main lab-e-ja'an hon .. neem murda halat main .. tumhain yun yaad kar rahi hon jaise koi dam-e-marg sokhay galay main chubhnay walay kanton ki shidat se, us dard se bachnay k liye, ja'an kani ki halat main pani ko talab karta hai, bilkul aisi hi talb hai meri tumharay liye.. magar tumhain kiun fikr hogi k tumharay liye to aj tak humara rishta koi rishta he na tha to dard ho bhi to kiun .. Jana bhi zaroori hai k rasta abhi baqi hai magar jantay ho manzil par pohanchnay tak main har bar palat kar dekhti rahon gi k tumharay laut anay ka imkaam hameesha meri ankhon main rahega .. dil main rahega .. wajood main rahega.. Ab tum chaho lauto ya na lauto main is imkaan ko maqsad-e-hayat bana kar safar ki baqi sobatain teh karlon gi magar manzil par pohanchna ab or bhi mushkil hoga k humrahi ki surat main ab tum naheen honge.. Meri jeet par taali bajanay ke liye tumharay do mazboot hath naheen honge.. mujhe sahara denay k liye tumhara kandha naheen hoga magar ik tumharay janay se kia main akaili waqai hojaon gi? kia koi meray saath naheen hoga..? Agar yeh sach hai to phir .. Kia mera muslmaan kehlana khud ko jaiz hoga? Kia ik tumharay janay se mera har khushi ko bhool jana sahih hoga? Kia ik tumharay zindagi se nikal janay par main bilkul besahara hojaongi? Agar yeh saray khudshay sahih hain meri sooch sahih hai to kia mujhe haq hai main khud ko MUSLIM keh la sakoon? Main jo baray fakhar se 18 saal tak apne har forum par religion k agay ISLAM or MUSLIM likhti rahi kia main dhoka deti rahi har ik ko sameet apnay?

-illusiOn~

The " I " Factor !

Silently I was walking along the shores.. feeling they are whispering something to me.. what though i don't know but they were defiantly saying something to me something that was soothing me.. my feeling and yeah my hot bloody mind.. Each time i try to resolve my mind from all crap but i get failed.. don't know why.. but I do.. I know i am miserable these days.. I know its hurting me.. as being away from my writing it aches, my heart does..

Destination ( From A Distance )

For previous blogisode of this series click here

DESTINATION ! ( From A Distance )

He stout his heart and hope for a miracle, he was hearing her screams filled with terror but it was impossible for him to climb up and rescue her. He closed his eyes and then only something happened which he was not hoping at all. He hoped for noises , screams , collapse of Angelina but nothing such happened. No more he could listen to screeches so he carefully opened his eyes and saw Casber and Kate holding Angelina with their hands in a quite funny way. Casber was holding Angelina's leg while Kate was holding her hand. Anderio grimed though things were stressing but the picture was quite funny. Angelina was up in the sky, in a " X " shape. He took out his camera from bag on his shoulder and took a picture, an exclusive one.

Angelina finally was brought down with help of guides and was taken to the emergency camp. She had been given injection and got few stitches. All students were gathered outside the camp, waiting for Angelina to be in her senses back. Lena was so ashamed of herself even though it was not her mistake. Anderio was permission granted by Mr. Twir to sit their in camp near her. He was sitting right next to Angelina with stress on her face. Though he had book and music player in his bag but his life was at risk who would have thought of reading a book or listened to music, enjoy it. He was looking her, with her hand in his hand and was comforting her when finally he was revived as slowly she opened her eyes;

' Alpi ! are you okay! ' Anderio was perplexed.

She rolled her eyes and nodded her head as it was too difficult for her to say anything at the moment.

' See ! what happened. You made all of us so perturb. Lena is so embarrass and me you almost took my life. Silly! you are I told you not , not to go on hiking. I told you to sit and enjoy with me here only ' Anderio browbeat her but then he lowered his voice and said;

' You know when I saw you falling down I felt it so funny, you were up in the sky in a " X " shape.' He tried to divert her mind ( but honestly he felt like his life was exposed to imminent danger. In risk it was not only her but him even. he felt some one's about to take his life away from him, snatching it forcibly. But then when Casber and Kate show courage and risk their lives to saved her he felt myself revived) . He saw a smile on her pale face giving him feeling that she needs no explanation of how he felt because the distress was in his eyes.

Anderio's voice was soothing her mind. She knew he had been worried, he was bashful on leaving her alone on her own. He was blaming himself for all this but this incident was not his mistake, Atleast she can never think of blaming her so very special friend. She wanted to say all this but then her soar throat didn't allowed her too.. She hopelessly tried again to opened her sealed lips but he placed finger on them making them sealed again;

' Alpi! Doctor say you a4re not allowed to talk.. just relax.. We can talk .. you can curse me for letting you go , you can beat me even but for that all wait till he allows you to move.. OK OK don't make such faces I am kiiding.. Take rest alpi! we can talk about all while on return of our such beautiful trip.. errr .. off course I mean you can talk them and poor me.. will be listening.. ' He was trying his best to hook off her mind with stupid gossips..

With in next three hours, Angelina was allowed to go outside but forbidden for running preferred to be sitting on one place only as her head was still aching and her throat was still souring. All the evening Casber, Kate entertained her with Anderio and later when Casber went to play tennis and Kate went to few friend out there they both talked about their likes and dislikes with bag of chips in Angelina's hand and Anderio's hand in the bag they shared;

' I love every music.. from death metal.. to rock.. but yeah i dont like soft numbers much ; She said while eating chips
' Oh I love soft numbers.. they are my first priority ' Anderio answered while opening a cola can.
' I like horror stuff more yeah real stories are even good to me but i hate history and yes who can forget love stories simply NO WAY! ' Angelina expressed
' I am into romantic ones and history and geography comes second ' Anderio included while taking out chips from bag
' I love shopping .. I can shop for hours and hours.. my mom used to call me " Shopaholic angel " ' Anderio was not very surprised by that as when girls are completed without being shopaholic... They can always shop for long long time of period making others feel as if they are born to shop only.
' I barely go for shopping.. I hardly waste time on that ' Anderio said while hoping an argument on that like every other girl but Angelina refused his imagination to turn into reality as she said;
' I love riding horse.. I never did so but I would love too someday '
' Oh then you are with the right guy ma'am as I am good in riding and even know a place where I can make you learn riding even ' Anderio assured her that he would make her learn. And then he told her about a little incident took place while riding when he got slipped off his horse, he described the whole the scene in a awry way that she couldn't hold her laugh and she laugh until her stomach ached...

Angelina and Anderio cease talking when Mr. Twir and other teachers announced to pack there bags as they will be leaving in next 1 and half hour. Kate offered Angelina assistance for packing but Anderio rejected and prefer to packing of Angelina on his own. Although Kate had issues on it but she hushed up when she saw Angelina had no problem with that. Anderio left her alone in his camp and left for packing Angelina's bag in her and Kate's camp. As Anderio left she glimpsed the little camp which was messed up with things so she decided to pill them while sitting as nothing else was there for her to do. Then only she come across a paper teared from a note pad with something written on it, she started reading it slowly;

I stumble cross a moment,
Where my heart topped beating,
When I saw her falling,
Falling from so high,
Fallowing towards so down,
My heart scream,
I congealed with terror,
Feat that I lost her,
Terror of importance I had for her,
The fact that reason behind was me,
A moment where I come to know,
How importance she was for me.

She couldn't believe her eyes. They guy who was star of school, a champ, a hunk, love of so many girls was s emotional for her. The moment he described was shown clearly in his poem of what he come across. She heard the foot steps near by and hide the paper in her pocket as she doesn't want to tell him that she knew something that he didn't wanted her to know. She will never till her until unless he share this himself but the feeling was so pure, so touching, so close to her heart , that her heart cried out and few tears rolled from her eyes. When Anderio entered he saw her wiping tears off from her face and he got perplexed;

' Hey hey! is it paining? wait! let me see and call a doctor ' He hurried off when Angelina stopped her by holding his hand from his wrist.
' What? I am just coming na..I will be back in minutes ' She said nothing but made him sit right infront of her
' I don't need doctor and I got tears in my eyes and its because of happiness not for pain. I am so happy andi that I have someone like you. Always around ' She said in a full heavy emotional voice while wiping her tears off Anderio said in a chilly voice.
' Yeah ! and when I am not around God punishes me for not being around like HE did today. wow na? ' He winked and she smiled with watering eyes.

Alpi hugged Andi. Alpi wondered how beautiful Andi's voice and smile is while Andi was wondering why girls always cry either they are happy or they are sad all they do is no matter in what state they are they just cry..

To Be Continued...

-illusiOn~

P.S( Enjoy it um sorry for errors.. still learning.. enjoy it)
P.S( I love you people will like the second sketch the X state of alpi)

And the Devil Laughs Loud..

I never knew why she hated " wait " so much.. She never had patience and was every time not so willing to have like one always screwed up in thoughts and dreams.. Dreams of the one she can spend life with. Dream of one who can be her " Mr. Right " with knowing that its important to search its important to .. but she was always in too hurry always in a rushing, running state. Life was now no more bed of roses of when it had been with so many people around what was her fault why she was created so different then the usual standards of her family. The mentality was so different that it had been hard for her parents, surroundings and everything to cop up with her. World seemed so unfair to her, she always felt like filled up with thought till her eye-roll and she hated life this way. She wanted to be senseless, she wanted to be feeling less, she wanted not to care like she does but she couldn't help her self.

Life was if same like with her then why all were not complaining, I want to, I always want to tell her Baby its same like you they do have problems but with passage of time it gets easy but she always complained why she gets into another before she gets out of one problem.. I don't have the reason of her questions.. The screams i hear when she say she hears a devil laugh near by, laughter that shouts her defeat. Defeat of self-control, defeat of love defeat of fate.. And i have to hear her scream with a the laughter of devil as I am too helpless, helpless like her..

-illusiOn~

Connection - ( Piece of the Action )

For previous post please click here

CONNECTION ( Piece Of Action )

Anderio viewed the scene, where sun was just waken like him. He felt as if sun was also a bit sleepy still like him funny no? He suddenly got poked by a thought in his mind. He thought to capture this moment by his pen on a paper but then he had to stop as his one hand was busy in making his Alpi comfortable, she was resting and with that it was impossible for him to bend down and bring his note book out of his bag and give words to what he just viewed. In anguish he didn't noticed that his both hands were now free and were lying right in front of him on his lap as Angelina was up.

' Andi ! ' She whispered.
' Hey when you got up? I didn't reckon that' He asked with a happiness in his voice.
' Just now ! by the way I AM SORRY, I know you whole night comfort me with your hand, it must have been aching by now ' She sounded a little bashful which made Anderio languished.
' No silly it was so great you and me so close to each other just like our names ALPI ANDI. The feeling was so great and I even had a memorable photo that I took early in the morning while you were busy in your dreams. And you know while you sleep you smile like a small cute little baby. Lets take a photo now while you are up' Anderio asked Casber again to give his assistance and by the end of their photo shoot, their teacher Mr. Twir told them they have almost reached the place. This made whole crowd of students insane.

They got out of the bus as they reached the place,Anderio caring his bag on his one shoulder and Angelina's bag on other one while Angelina was too busy in taking photographs and was recording few especial memories in Anderio's video camera. Anderio's shoulders were aching but he was showing nothing. He came closer to Angelina who was shooting Casber's help towards Kate and throw luggage on the floor near a bench.
' Ms. Angelina Grace your porter is here at your service ahh ' He bowed in front of her who was now sitting on the bench.

Anderio said and collapsed near her which made Angelina laugh..

' God Andi ! ' she continued her laugh

Rest of the evening was passed by there games and chats. The weather was amazingly cool and cloudy and so was the view. Though at night it was risky being there but still they hope to have a good time there. Mr. Twir announced that students who wished to do hiking can go for it tomorrow as they do have a champ near 2 km away for here.

Next morning when Kate and Angelina, who were sharing a camp , got dressed , they went out and sat under a tree and talked when Mr.Twir announced;

' OK ! students who are interested please report in 10 minutes near the bus while rest of you can stay here and continue your activities ' With that he left the crowd with gossiping.

Angelina rushed towards the crowd, searching Anderio but she failed as he was busy reading novel in his camp ( Shocked.. well that's what Anderio is.. ) with ear pieces in his ears playing HEY THERE DELILAH by Plain White T's . Angelina when came in his camp lost her mind completely with view of his camp.
' ANDI ' She screamed but luckily his ear's were saved as he got ear-pieces in so was unable to hear her screaming. So she went a little closer took his book out of his reach as snatch away his ear-pieces.
' WHAT ! ' Anderio looked unpleasant.
' You are still in your camp ' Angelina said in a questioning way and Anderio wondered where else he should be then if he was not supposed to be in this camp.
' Where else I was supposed to be ? ' He speaks his heart out.
' Out with me.. for hiking.. Now common Mr. Twir is taking us for hiking.. Wow climbing mountain.. lets hurry ' Angelina said in tone of quickness with thrill , a hunger of adventure in her voice.
' Are you crazy? Who said I want to go for hiking.. No no I am not interested me not going.. ' Anderio said harshly taking away all her excitement away.
' Please Andi ' She tried again
' Why don't you go on your own.. I mean look please don't force me to go for this.. not atleast this time please Tell me why you want me to go? ' He was being definitely rude
' Because I want you to come with me ' She said in a low voice being bashful but Anderio was too busy in searching the page number of his book from where he left to continue from there only.
' Alpi please I am not going for any hiking.. Atleast don't force me this time Why don't you sit with me and enjoy ' He tried to sound polite at the end but time had already slipped from his hand as Angelina was hell angry.
' No Thank you Anderio. Enjoy your day I will go on my own.' Angelina left with anger and stubbornly she decided to go for hiking with Mr. Twir on her own;

Mr Twir with almost 20 students went to the club and there they got two training guides with them and under there instructions they wore things they provided keeping a rope in common for support and with that they decided to start hiking. Angelina was right after Lena Jones and before Sean Claud. Though at first she was fine but as her turn came closer her heart started beating faster and it went wild as her turn came. Finally she climbed up the mountain slowly with her fingers trembled with excitement and fear. She was above 30 feet's when she got badly infected by Lena's feet that kicked right on her head. Even though it was no Lena's mistake but it wasn't hers even. She lost her balance and with that she was falling down as rope of hers was no more attached with her . Her head ached badly, she closed her eyes with terror of death. While falling down, toward the ground she was caught by two hands in between.

' Not so soon honey! ' She heard Kate's voice just before she lost her senses.

When Angelina left he tried his best to continue hi attention towards the book he was reading he constantly failed as those two green eyes strikes in his mind every time he glance over the pages of book. The sadness , the pain present in Angelina's eyes when he said NO. He felt completely lost jinxed by those eyes of hers. So he left for hiking to make her surprise, make her happy again. He was among few last students including Kate while he heard from her that Angelina already was in mid of somewhere on mountain. When they started climbing there came a point where they heard yells from above and saw girl falling down the mountain. Anderio's world got lost as all he could hear was shouts of name of his Alpi, she was in danger, he heard that she lost her balance but then when she was falling down towards the ground he...

To Be Continued..

-illusiOn~

P.S( Avoid my mistakes.. and enjoy as you do it before..)

P.S.S( keep the love same for me.. and for alpi andi even)

Words when do magic..

I am overwhelmed with a burning desire, a desire locked down deep inside, one that can't be concealed anymore, i long for one sweet kiss from you to quench my thirst, i long for one tender touch that will last a lifetime, at the end of it all you are my deepest desire...

:) Thanks Friend.. for sharing this...