State…

Ages back I wrote a whole story on state of being alone and loneliness. But time this time chosen me to experiment loneliness being alone. Both the state when are chosen by you seems to be a blessing but when they are rewarded to you, you are hostage with infinite thoughts and negative energy. energy can neither be created nor can be destroyed I raatta-fied (memorized) it for my physics papers 10th grade not even understanding that we all need to keep on bringing improvements in  our inner  energies ..

Be-rabtagi…

Agr ye lafz kafi hon to main likhon mujhe jo kuch be likhna hai, ‘me’ se ‘tum’ ka safar ab te’h he karna hai. Naheen ye nazm, jisse tum bhool jaoge. Naheen ye khat jisse tum gar jaldo to saboot-e-mohabbat mit he jayega. Mere aghaz se lekar mere anjam tak ye safar bohat he be-yaqee’n sa hai. Karon main kia k yahan jeena he itna mushkil hai… Bas sanson ki he rawani hai. Na Rawaiyon main wo pehlay si khush-numayi hai, na guftar me wo halawat hai. Yahan to wo alam hai k ghubaray bhi phathain to dar sa lagta hai. Hujoom dekh kar sansain apni raftar kho bethti hain. Zameen jo pani se dhulnay ki adi thi wo khud par  behta hoa lahoo dekhay bhi to kaise? Mujhe na janay kiun ye lagta hai zameen jab khiraj apna mangay gi tab karain ge kia?? Ye khudsakhta bekhuaf deen k muhafiz kahain ge kia, karain ge kia? Gar KHUDA ko ghazab aya??

:S

I don't know if things, people and expectations are too important in ones life that your own self is ignored by none other than you. I am alone on the roof and feeling lonely. You might be thinking why I used word ‘lonely’ when I already mention ‘alone’. It is because I beleive loneliness and being alone are two entire different state. I might not be correct but when this blog was made by me to write things that are correct. Change is yes constant but living with it, coping all your life just with changes it seems difficult but yes changes when unconsciously take place, we all adapt them as easily and pepsi’s new packaging.

Memories….

I was young when I used to see my elders a little sad while burning some letters, papers or a note I always wonder why being sad when you are tearing them yourself. Time passed away leaving so many ‘ why’s, what’s ’ for me. Last night while burning all those memories of you, having tears in my eyes explained me its not words on those papers that makes you cry but the immense feelings attached. Why burning of papers when you can never burn up the memories attached.

I was being used…

We all often hear and say the line ‘ I was being used ’ after being hurt by our loved ones. Well to be honest this is the first thing that hits your mind when someone let you down because of whatever reason. The after effects may vary from person to person and heart to heart but they are mostly unforgettable. I am not here to repeat all those things which are already in you or you have been through. I was hit by this idea last evening when I was bit angry on some issues and was busy in making faces.

Well, you may not agree to this but do think at least once about it.

I don’t agree with the word web and its results, I mean OK I look for words in it but this is too created by one of us. Errors are possible! OK if it means taking advantage but then we all take advantage of one an another. I mean why do most of us mind in being used? even me! We do use each other intentionally or un-intentionally. Whatever the relation we share, no matter who we are we do use people and they use. As far as my learning says problem arise when you are not paid or you don’t get a return of what you did for someone. But then this is the only way possible, to judge and know what kind of people surrounds you. I know when you are hurt, you are numb and dumb, I mean seriously this happens. But then that’s the big time of changing  yourself, strengthening the I .

For example, you use a servant for daily household chores, servant never complains as long as he is being paid. This means satisfaction is obtained. But incase he/she leave your work or demand for a raise in salary that will probably because he/she feels being USED as more work is taken then the wage.

Similarly, you are used by people you love on anything, may it be a favor or help. The only time you are hit with a ‘ BEING USED ’ feeling is when the return is not sufficient or not satisfactory. The moment you think you are giving more to a relation then its return to you by another, the feeling of ‘ BEING USED ’ arises. We normally don't realize that there is a give and take rule surrounding our whole life.

So next time, whenever you have this feeling of being used, exploit  arrives think about what's the main reason ? Its not the ‘being used’ element its just that you either expecting a little high from the other one, or its something that is lacking. As you are using things and people and you are used by them too.

I may sound fishy or complete non-sense but this is where I am different…

Head n Heart game… (part 2)

Next 3 days went like usual I didn’t even had a glimpse of him. I don’t know why but yes I was thinking about him all the time. My brother was still angry so he was forgiven and with that  On the third day when I was convinced that it all was the result of all the romantic fantasized novels I love to read but hey! as far as I know I am a very practical kind of person. Though I enjoyed reading them but since when I started believing them? I cursed my self. I rushed back home and quickly I changed my clothes for nap. I love sleeping, as it was so far my only love. I escape lunch and lied on my bed but couldn’t sleep again with him on my head I mean WTF is wrong with me. I made myself assured that tomorrow only I am going to do something about it not assured of what but yes something. Later that evening I was informed that I need to go along with my parents to attend a wedding. While looking for a suitable dress I empty my whole wardrobe and I chose a green dress. I went near mirror and place it next to my body and I looked in mirror and there I saw him again. He was there sitting in my open window, the best corner of my room. His eyes were focusing me and I again couldn’t find enough strength to turn and say anything to him… I looked down avoiding him and I heard him speaking for the very first time.

‘ Why don’t you try this red! ’ He pointed out red which was gifted to me by a friend of mine. A very traditional work of thread with combination of green and coffee color which was  enhancing the beauty of red…

I looked up and he was not there, I cursed myself and I was sure that I was suffering from hallucination and that’s sit.  I was still with that green frock in front of mirror  when my sister came in. Frowning face as if she is going to vomit and as this clicks my mind I just think a bit loud;

‘ If you are feeling like vomit I should be clearing you that this is not your washroom but my room so please… ( I mumble LEAVE ) ’.
‘ I know its useless coming to you, you FAUNA! mama wants you to hurry up ’ she left …  I sighed and dressed in green avoiding my heart which was forcing me to get dressed in red O_O. I put on my accessories, shoes and I rushed down. Through out the function I was seeking him. I was having a feeling that he is watching me. Later that night we step back home and step in my room with small and silent steps but my room was empty. To be honest I was disappointed not because of him but because of my thoughts, may be because I wanted him to be with me. I changed my clothes, re-arrange my ward-robe and I sat down resting my back with bed’s wall  with close eyes. People say when you need a quick rest close your eyes, I believe when you need to think a bit high and loud close your eyes as this way your mind just don't follow the ways your eyes shows but it discovers more. I don’t know why but I missed my friends, the older ones who once were with me but now they are no more in my life. May be I am wanting him just because of vacant space in my life… I slept there only thinking,reasoning and predicting him when someone touched me…

(Continued)

- UnhingeD

Head n Heart game… (part 1)

Like every other time I faced fight of my family over me bravely and quietly left the lounge as I knew its useless standing there nobody is going to feel me while they are way too busy. My family is cool but I guess I am just the odd one out ever since I open the eyes and cried ( my birth time) … I sighed and took step ahead towards the yard side . It was small but enough for me as it was the only thing that was sustain by my family and it didn’t go through a renovation like exterior and interior of my house after my grand fathers death. As I sat on the only bench there I again had the same feeling of having someone around me. Someone who is close to me and could see me. I turned around and I looked down the bench and every possible place but again was unable to see anyone. The odd thing was I was fine with the presence though could feel someone's breath down my neck. I placed my head on bench  and before I could shut my eye lids I saw someone. I open my eyes wide, the guy was sitting on the wall. I blink my eyes but could not possible strength to talk to him so I just stared him for long . I heard my sister calling me and I turned to see but when I turned back I saw no one… He was disappeared O_O . I went back to my room after sometime and opened my books for next days assignments. I usually used to sleep by 1:30 a.m but because of work I stayed up till late. It was 3:00 a.m when I was giving final touched to my work and had to rush to my room to bring water as I was working on terrace as my room wasn’t enough for all this mess. I came back with in no time and his presence took my breath away. He was sitting on one of the couches giving my work a closer look. My footsteps made him look up and he smiled and I fainted. I put my whole strength not to behave like fools. He was probably making me scared that’s sit. I made myself believe that he was card of my nasty brother who was mad on me since he was accused by dad because of me though it was all unintentional. I ignored him and started packing my work I opened the case and carefully packed my sheets within plastic ones and placed them in the case. While doing this I looked up and was about to scream as the couch was empty, he disappeared again!  I was turning mad or …

(continued)

- UnhingeD!

I never had a HONEY-PIE !

Hey! Remember me? No! I am the same guy who told you the tale of his family kicking him, and the encounter? No! I mean how can you forget aunty? OK! I am Ed well, that what my whole world calls me… This time with something very serious that recently hit me . I am here to complain and yell my heart out… Can you imagine I am 20 years old and never had a girl in my entire 20 years of life… Because of again these reasons;

• I have too many ideas.
• I dont have a single clue of romance.
• There problems are never problems for me.
• I can’t shut my mouth not even for her (them).

 

CASE NO # 1: Sanum

It was Tuesday when I saw her again, the same innocent face, wrath on something. I was doing my work when Ehsan asked me to turn and when I did I felt like my body is going to break into pieces. OMG! she was coming to our table, I looked Ehsan then moved my eyes to Samar and AP (Ali Paracha). She came and started talking to Shiza. Her presence overwhelmed me but couldn’t stop my tongue and I said;

‘ Chal Ehsan! ’
‘ Kidr? ’
‘ Dekh naheen raha barish ho rahi hai! ’ Ehsan was staring me with open mouth as I was gathering my things.
‘ Pagal hogaya hai? Kahan ho rahi hai barish? Ik tufan(phet) aaraha tha wo bhi ullu bana k nikal gaya ’ He was still sitting
‘ Aby yar aaraha hai. Lerkion se pooch lo ye tabhi to 3-quarter pehne hain ’ I said and left quickly as I know if I would have stayed for long those cats do have long nails…

CASE NO # 2: Zara

‘ Baby! I am failing this subject! ’ I stared her and then I looked my self from neck to toe ( I cant see my head na! ) 5"11 with normal built I was known as quite handsome guy then on what earth she was calling me a BABY!!. As far as I remember :|

Result day I saw her crying and when was sympathized she made us shocked as she was crying because she got 45 out of 50. I stared my friend and he texted me something thats common these days but made me laugh badly;

“ A girl was asked on a result day her percentage and she wiping her tears replied 80% only and shockd guy replies ‘ tm is pe ro ri ho itne me to 2 larke pass hojate hain’ "

I laughed and when she asked I loudly said what was written… (further details will only be provided if inquired/asked) :P :P

- Unhinged !

TOILET – Best To Escape !

TOILET … a perfect place to hid even though you are reachable. I always wonder why people wanted luxurious washrooms ( I hate calling them toilets…). Well, my recent research helped me to understand the need. Aside from its actual purpose following are the add-on values of a washroom.

• You have a lot of privacy to think , think and re-think about things. Even you have just one washroom for whole family believe me nobody will disturb you. Exceptional is there…
  
  
• Best place to hide while playing hide and seek or if you are afraid of  daddy's anger stay there as long as daddy is at hoooome.
  
  
• Perfect for cheating. Nobody can stop you going to a washroom even in exams. That’s against H-R (HUMAN RIGHTS)
  
  
• If you are cautious singer, sing the song in washroom. The best place to do these  kinda private stuffs.
  
  
• The best place to smoke even your girl-friend cant stop you going there.. Can  she?
  
  
• Late night calls. Afraid to attend try washroom they are safe as long as you have locked it…
  
  
• Don’t want to study go to washroom with a perfect excuse of upset stomach and you an hour free…

Oh by the way! are you too one of those people who use to see bill boards saying TOLET and a mobile number, thinking why on earth people are giving there numbers instead of telling the address of it… If you know what I mean. Well, I belong to this group who spend 14 years of life thinking that people have gone mad that they are giving numbers for washrooms… Huh! Is it poor thinking or lack of common sense or I may say DIFFERENCE OF OPINION !

ENJOY!

- UnhingeD

P.S( These are experiences of different people no relation is there with the writer :D :P )

Kid’s to Kick’s…

It was third time in the week that I was kicked out by family discussions just because of two reasons that surrounds me all the time. These reasons are

• I AM YOUNGEST
• MY MIND IS ALWAYS FILLED WITH SUGESSTIONS EVEN WHEN NOT NEEDED

Nothing is there that makes me jealous but whenever I am kicked out I feel like beating them I mean how on earth its my fault that I landed as a third one in the family. Huh! I mean its not my fault if my mind is always filled with something or the other :( check this;

• 
  
  We were having this grand grand (grand here doesn’t mean older duffer it means big big very BIG) dinner just because I finally made my brother study and he succeeded with FLYING COLORS. This party should have been in honor of me but … The only issue we had was electricity problem. As this discussion was going on in front of me so I gave them my expert opinion. I suggested, Why don't they request KESC to give us support of light for only 3 hrs and we will gift them something. Now what was wrong with it? My mother said with nasty expression on her face; “I will be glad if you leave this place immediately as we have alot more to do then to listen to your suggestion..”.
  
  
  
• 
  
  There is this cute little girl in our family. White color, pink lips and green eyes, WHAT LOOKS SHE IS REALLY PRETTY ! (My mom’s expressions). So I asked my mother to get this girl booked for my brother. She stared me and I continued, “ Look! even Shan is not ready for getting married off-course he is young. So if you calculate he is 20 he still needs 6 years to settle and this girl is 10 years old so she will be 16 by that time. Ideal to get married MOM ”. She in a low voice just said two words “ SHUT UP ”.
  
  
• 
  
  It was time for me to pick a professional line for a bright career. When my father asked me what I am planning to do as he has doubts. I proudly explained him that I want to be a animal doctor, A VET. Our whole family was sitting and they all started staring me. My father patiently asked me why I want to be a VET and I replied “ Dad! I wont need a house job somewhere outside. We have 4 hens, 12 birds and a horse I will be able to practice all that at home na…’. My dad sighed and I am now doing … no no I am not practicing or studying animals and medicine but doing BS in PR … My father says its similar … I am in finals and still unable to find similarities…

- UnhingeD !!


P.S( Anyone found laughing will be given in the custody of my FAN LOVERS…)
P.S.S( All is fiction)

Tears from UP-high!

 

I saw him for the last time and I turned my back. I couldn’t managed to go to him and say good-bye, so I decided to leave school with out meeting him. It was hard I looked up the sky where my best friend lived, somewhere near by the most shining star or beside moon resting in peace. I am sure my best-friend is stranger to sun else my best-friends sweetness would have decreased the intensity of heat of sun. I avoid shedding tears especially in open areas, from where my best-friend could catch me. I started walking, slow and unsteady with a broken smile and watery eyes. I watched my colleagues, my class mates walking pass by me. Hands in hands, smile in eyes and promises on lips. I left the gateway and started walking towards pathway from where I used to go back home. I go back home from that way avoiding roadway because of the peace and feeling of being lost. As I walked towards the jungle side I felt myself accompany by footsteps. I without taking noticed  continued my walk as I am used to of it now. Whenever I am here I feel him with me. May be because he is more in me  then I am in me. All of a sudden my forth and the last finger was touched by someone. The feeling was strong but I avoided because of the dejection I may see .

‘ So you wont even give me a glimpse ’ I heard a voice that I use to hear every night in my dreams.. And I had to look my left-side, my hand was guarded by his hand and he was looking straight.
‘ What you are doing here? With my question he stopped and came opposite to me
‘ Something that I should have done long time back… So I thought we were good friends you even didn’t bother to stop by and say a good-bye to me ’ He said with a disappointment in his tone.
‘ I… ’ Tears rolled down my eyes and I bit my lower lip.

‘ Ok! see you tomorrow on dance party…’ He said in lower tone and he left. I didn't lift my head up, keeping it down I continued my walk. I as drown in my thoughts when I was hold and was kissed. I closed my eyes with a fear but those soft lips made me open eyes and when I open I saw him holding me. When he put me apart he whispered

‘ I LOVE YOU ! ’ before I could say anything else I felt something on my face.. drop of rain.. clouds were crying like me but this time the tears were of happiness…

- Unhinged..

Cumunicashion - Gap

(End of the 90’s) ‘ Yes you stand up ’ A child was asked to stand up by a teacher who was so like others, way too strict, rule follower and bossy. The child stood up with hand straight and pretend able seriousness.

‘ Now! how do you spell Communication? ’ A flat high pitch tone in a pin drop silence that already made child’s mind blank.

‘ Umm .. ’ Child was about to start meanwhile was stopped by very efficient teacher.

‘ I don’t think Communication starts with umm ’ class burst into a laughter and child’s sparked

‘ C U M U N I C A S H I O N ’ While every other kid went quite when the teacher shouted

‘ Its wrong we don’t spell COMMUNICATION like that ’ She was about to swallow child when the child open mouth to speak

‘ We don’t but you ask me how I spell it ’ and obediently the child settled down making teacher dumb.

This was me :D he he he early and cool days of my life..

     …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

This word COMMUNICATION, 13 letter word always confuses me. Yes it does, and the rate of confusion was increased when GAP was attached to it. As far as I remember I first saw these words together when I was in 4th standard. Ever since then I am personally putting efforts to know more about it. When we were explained about it my teacher said that it is a gap between two generations for example, lack of understanding between parents and kids. As time passed variety or some changes were made to the definition but the core part was sustained. It explained me that COMMUNICATION GAP actually is a distance between ages but things never worked like the definitions provided to me.

I know LAURA who is 48, one of close buddies of mine from virtual world. She is having 3 kids no husband and lots of problems. We chat every other day. While chatting her and listening her real world problems through ear-phones I unconsciously noticed a woman in my home. One who brought me up, because of whom I am actually what I am. The one who is having 3 other kids unlike me, all different. I never understood her problems and I even didn’t bothered to hear them. Lack of time or what my society says COMMUNICATION GAP.

Dev, 15 years old virtual writer who writes and I read. Not only his writings but him. He feels I understand what he writes not only this I am one of those few people who actually understands in which situation he wrote them. There is guy known as my brother, like Dev always busy in nothing. We hardly talk due to my work and my timings. Again COMMUNICATION GAP!

Laila, 23 years old Sri-Lankan friend (virtual) of mine. I have all my sympathies with her as she is young pretty but with no family as she lost them in last TSUNAMI. I always give her my extra time making her comfortable and listening whatever she like to tell. Not elder then here in this place I live, I see a girl every day fighting for destiny, her life. Quiet and focused and MBA student. Though I never had time to chat with her because of our different timings I am sure she is fine. COMMUNICATION GAP

Last but not the least JACK, 56 years old farmer in USA. With 7 children and a wife who is in comma Jack is fighting with life. His two sons left him the day they gained position in NEW YORK. Now, he is striving alone to make his family run and survive. I never saw Jack struggling for his family but I always see him in a man who is some what similar to him. My father, we talk but once in a blue moon only. COMMUNICATION GAP.

After spending 10 years of consciousness I am forced to say that COMMUNICATION or CUMUNICASHION is dependent on you, your thoughts and how close you put relation with yourself through thins and thick…

P.S( I am so not sure of what I wrote above and what I tried to say .. when this thing hit my mind I was in a different state and when I sat down it turned out to be something very different.. )

- UnhingeD…

 

Crop-Up’s !

I always wondered why people start acting strange once they are in so called LOVE. I mean no offense but seriously you have friend fights , no time, day dreaming, lake of sleep and what not? I recently suffer from this when my girl friend asked me quit smoking as its effecting her reputation and her taste. It really marveled me why on earth my problems effecting her. After all I started smoking as reputation upgrade. Phew! It was late night while I was talking to her all thanks to late-night packages :D when all of a sudden she said;

' Ok.. um what you can do for me '

' Anything that doesn't require me to stand on my feet's right *yawn* I am so tired sugar pie ( I know all tact's of handling girls :P )'

' Well I want to you to quit smoking and it doesn't require you to stand up and even sit ' Ah! can you believe by the end of her sentence I was actually standing..

' What the.. I mean honey I don't think by any chance its effecting you! I know you care for me and my health is really important for you but...' Ah! hard for me to control my tone

' You said you will do anything I ask you to do. Can't you just quit smoking for me.? ' I cursed my-self for saying those romantic sentences few minutes back wish I could reverse time..

' Ok! I will you want me to quit I will but give me sometime..' I surrendered as at the moment I had no choice.

Few weeks later after quite smoking ..( well not really I quited but yes! I reduced it and for me that was almost quit), I come across a colleague of mine, cute girl she was but still not my taste. I was in a rush when she passed by me saying;

' Yar! he looks more cute while smoking ' before I could turn and reply or look her my cell phone rang and when I checked it was message by my girl which stated as

Thank you Honey pie rushy was shocked when I told her that you quit smoking I am so happy I won the bet ! 

Love you!!

I didn't got angry on my girl-friend but out of nowhere a line popped up in my mind;

EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION!!!

Strange!!

- UnhingeD ~

Encounter..

I am errr not sure if its an activity or what! but recently i got irritated by it. Aunties they surely rock.. No matter to which class they belong they all are best in criticism. The best thing in Aunt-ism is that once you are a member of this you are never old yet your  experience can never be scold.. Whatever they say they speaks truth as there is experience is even high then our age. Uncle's must have surrendered aunt-ism right after their marriage  That is why I guess they are quiet in front of their wives all the time. Well what irritated me last night was an encounter with an aunty who was around 40 or above wearing sunglasses even after sun was hardly invisible, a pink liner and some glossy girly lipstick. I was with a friend who made a face right after looking at aunty's black and golden sun glasses and whispered ' Just look at her! '. I stayed quiet and walked passed by her trying hard not to think about her glamorous looks and her efforts to look beautiful. We when came back saw her in parking area a little tensed. Though our car was parked on a distance but still I forced my friend to check her out if she needed help. On getting closer I with all respect asked if by any means we could help her out she burst like a volcano

' Help se kia matlab hai tumahara? ik to maa bap ne angreezi school main kia dal dia  tameez he bhol gaye..' we didn't have the slightest idea what made her so angry 

' Aunty! gari main problem hai? ' I tried in urdu to ask what was making her stand here outside the car

' Mujhe koi problem naheen hai problem tumahri generation k saath hai na uthnay ka lihaz na bethnay ki tameez ' I looked my friend who was gazing me with a statement ' or kar help ' 

I turned around and was about to walk away when she said;

' Agar tumahri maa yahan hoti to kia usay bhi yunhi chor kar chalay jatay. zara sa ehsas
naheen hai k koi pareeshan hai ' Aunty was saying loudly and was walking towards her silver car. I went near by

' Aunty! app btain to..' I tried to ask her again

' Kia bataon dhaka lagana hai gari start naheen ho rahi ' I tried hard to shut my mouth but my friend couldn't and he said

' Aunty itni dair se hum pooch ..... ' he couldn't complete his sentence as she was started again

' Aj kal k bachon ka masla he yeh hai inahin koi kuch na keh de. bas yeh sachay paida hogaye hain Ala-amaan..' I gave my friend a 'shut up' look and asked her to sit in car. Finally after 10 minutes of hard work we were able to make her car go in a speed .. Before she left she brought head out of the window and said

' Beta ye lo dil laga k kam kia karo.Acha he hai jo ab yahan k log bhi kuch parahy likhay larkay rakhnay lagay' She handed me a 50 Rs note and went by.

My friend was gasping and laughing badly and  I looked down my jeans and black t-shirt. I watched her silver alto running across the road .. These Aunties...!!!

- UnhingeD ~

Siyaad! (a Hunter)

Agr ussay dekhna ankhun ki ghalti thi to  kiun hain ye ab tak salamat? Agar usay soochna besood  hai to ye sooch khalq he kiun hoi? Hai ishq ajeeb to ajeebtareen main hon! Agr uski chahat bas ik khayal hai to yeh khayal dil main aya kiun? yeh dil he kiun hai! Ay! RAB na rakhta koi chahat ki umeed bas ik lothra he rehnay dia hota. Na dil hota na zehn-e-natwa itni mushakat kiun kr karta, itna larta, itna thakta... Main ye zindagi jee he leti bina kuch kahay, bina chahy, bina soochay. Kia tha jo yeh lab na hotay, izhar-e-chahat k na mutamani hotay, na mera dil mujhe rat rat bhar phir bechain kar pata. Main dil ki khuwhish ko zehn main na jaga deti na shab-bedari mera naseeb banti. Na har karwat mera jism  letay hoay kar’rahta, na ungli labon ki siskiyon pe band bandh kr usay dil ki hasrat banaye rakhteen. Jo ye na hota to wo aj dil ki bas sirf sada na hota mera hamsafar hota…

Magar jo wo na hota to kon mujhe sagar-e-chashm pr zapt ki ashnayi deta? Kon jatata k zuba’n honay k bawajood bhi anay walay lamhon main wo kaifiyat  hosakti hai jb lab chahnay k bawjood ik dosray main pewast rehna chahtay hain or nighain guftugu karteen hain. Kon dekhata k kuch sahir aise bhi hain jo jadoo jism pe naheen seenay main mojood dil pe krte hain, k wo shikari dil k hotay hain. Jo dil lejain to na kabhi khud palat’tay hain na dil he ki wapsi pr razi hotay hain.  Unhain to aksar khabr bhi naheen hoti k shikar kab jaal main phansa or kab uska dil amanat ban k unke hathon main muntaqil hoa. Tbhi to wo bhool chook main dil tor dia karte hain! Qasoorwar to sahir bhi naheen, k wo to apna kam kiye jataa hain. Ab koi dekhay baghir chalay to bhala shikari kiun kar na shikar kary…
Koi to jakar us zalim siyaad khabr karay k ye lab kahmosh hain pr samat ka har gosha uski ahat pa lena ka muntazir hai. Koi to jakar bataye k shan-e-beniyazi se wo jis gali se dil chura laya tha wahan pr mojood shikar ab neem-murd halat main faqt dedar k liye maut se ankhain churaye intezar ka chola urhy para hai. Koi to jaye, koi btaye k kaheen dair na hojaye…
- UnhingeD ~

deglutition is hard…

I have been writing on this blog since November 2008 with all the worst and best life phases of life this have been the best shoulder to me. I am still an immature writer I know but that too cannot stop me writing. There have been stages where I have forecasted the magic of LOVE on my readers but again there have been times when I couldn’t even write what I am going through. Yes! its true that time passes like wind smooth and fast.

 

- UnhingeD ~

LessOn

I rushed towards the the elevator and checked out the reception as if I am not in an office but in a park. My situation was similar to a person who was chased by a dog. I slow down as I saw her moving towards her parked car. She was surprisingly relax and steadily walking. I went a little closer when she turned around noticing and smiled;

‘ What are you doing here? ’
' What are you doing here? ’ I shot back question to her
‘ Well ! I resigned ’ With smile she replied without even knowing I was hating her smile.
‘ Why you did so? ’ Patiently I inquired her off as there was no other way out.
‘ I resigned  because I had no other way out. I was bored and was guided over everything ’
‘ You just resigned because you were bored ? ’ I looked at her furiously as if she is insane. My expression made her smile and moving her fingers on her cars door smoothly she replied;
‘ The best way is to resign whether  its a relationship or a job you cannot continue if you are unable to prove yourself best in it. By the way resignation doesn’t mean you are useless or a crap it just makes another step easier for you. If its accepted you were at a wrong place and if its rejected things will go in your favor. ’ I never could understand women no matter how hard I try.. I went back to work and work for another 3 years of my life and one day I resigned. The day I resigned was the best day of my life as there was no more unwanted tension. I accepted the fact that I was not made for typing and emailing others the company’s policies but to write my own tale. The life time experience, ups and downs of my life. And finally I learned;

‘ There is a success following every loss  and resigning is a better option ’

- Unhinged ~

:’[

I don't know if I should be writing this or not but I am not sure who else to tell this. History is repeating itself, whatever happened 5 years back is going on again I don't know how I should be behaving, I am not sure if this reaction of mine is valid or not but my heart is aching I am not feeling like talking to anyone and why I should be? Are best friends like this? I don’t know if I should not  be talking like this or not but …. :’(

:)

 

I was so much busy in my other stuff’s and some pathetic situations that I hardly was left with words. The octopus of grades and fused relationships made me stand nowhere but I am returning.. :) Coming back to where I belong , the only way of my survival.. I am returning to my destiny.. :) And I am happy to be with you again.

AZAB..

Main ne to ab tak yehee suna tha k dil jo totay to tufan to atay hain bohat magar saath main wo khamoshi bhi le atay hain jis main har cheez chup bhi jati hai or mit bhi jati hai. Par sab jhoot maloom ho raha hai or sab mughalta lag raha hai, mujhe na to kisi ko safayi deni hai or na he kiisi baat ki duhai deni hai magar KHUDA gawah hai k ander barhti hoi ghutan aik aise tufan ki amaad ki paishan-goi de rahi hai jo mere liye sarapa azab hoga..

-illusiOn

YAD-E-MAAZI AZAB HAI YA RAB,
CHEEN LE MUJH SE HAFZA MERA…

IF ONLY I COULD MAKE YOU DIE..

I don’t why I am writing this or to whom I am addressing this. Its just I am TIRED and literally I am. This time I am sick of myself. I don't want to tell this to anyone and don’t want to say this to anyone. I am tired

I am not blaming anyone for anything yes I am responsible to every single step I take.. But if only I could make a step towards your death I would have satisfied ,..

 

 

 

- Evil..

Around the corner..

I read somewhere;

A girl after her breakup when was asked the either she left the guy or the guy left him
She said in low voice
’ Neither of us left its LOVE who left us ’

It made me startle for sometime and made me go some where back. Not centuries back obviously but years back…

Na – Muraad !

Mujhe naheen pata main behan hon ya beti , maa hon ya bewi . Sayed sirf rishton k naam par roz dhoka khanay wali ik aam si larki. Mujhe aj tak apna qasoor pata naheen chal saka. aj agar maa baap ki suno to bewafa kehlati hon kia Mohaabat jurm hai, agar hai to meray maushray main basnay walay mard ye kaise kar saktay hain. Mera jee chahta hai mujeh phank lag jain or main kaheen badlon main dor urh jaon kabhi na aon. Phir ye khayal ata hai k parinday b sham dhalte he apne gharon ki rah dekhte hain. Bas wo lamha kathan jan kar main ye zulm sehti hon. Ye log kia bekhabar hain k ikhtiyar anay k bad bhi agar main inka saath deti hon to bas waja he mohabbat hai jo mera jurm hai. Or agar mohbbat jurm hai to phir kon si rishtedari, kaisa rishta, kahan ki dosti or kaisa taluq? har cheez maya hai. Mera bhi jee chahta hai kabhi to ho koi mujhe na rokay, koi na tokay, kabhi to kahay  k han tum azzad ho jo chahe karo… Islam k anam par ma, behnon or betiyon ka qatl karne walon kia tum naheen jante yeh humari raat o din ki duain hain jo tum par RAB mehrbaa’n hai. Jis din ye hath uthna ruk gaye tum neest o nabood hojaoge…

Faqt,
ik Sanf-e-nazuk… Ik Na – Muraad…

- illusiOn~

P.S( all fiction)

La-waris…

Mujhe naheen pata dukh jab shadeed hojata hai to insaan kaisa mehsoos karta hai. Par in hichkiyon k darmiyan main apne ap ko hawa maulaq dekh rahi hon ik aisi jaga jahan koi naheen hai na he kisi k honay ki talab baqi hai. Inhathon se behnay walay har ik khoon ki bond mujhe zindagi ki ranaiyon ki taraf se khench kr maut k mun main dakhail rahi hai.  Han ye sach hai zindagi khubsurat hai or achay humsafar hon to yeh haseen tar hai magar yahan humsafar ki ab gunjaish kahan. H’an hosakta hai main bach jaon magar main ye yaqeen rakhti hon k boht se logon k liye meri khatum hoti sansain bas safar ki akhri lamhaat hain. Han main har gayi … koi dukh naheen hai mujhe yeh mannnay main k main har gayi. Kiun dukh hoga wo bhi is baat ka mujhe ehsaas hai k ghalti hogayi. Or ghum yeh hai k itnay arsay main fareeb main rahi aj apne apko dekhun bhi to mar janay ko jee chahta hai. Ye khoon ka behna maut ki alamat na bhi ho, hosakta hai ye sehr-e-nau ki naveed ho magar yeh mera wada hai agr zindagi ki zara bhi ramak is jism-e-natawa’n main ab rahi to naye janum ko na mannay wali main MUSALMAAN ik nayi zindgai zaroor shuru karungi un logon k baghair jinhon ne aj mujhe tor dia.. Asaan naheen magar na-mumkin bhi naheen…

TO ALLAH I BELONG AND TO HIM I WILL RETURN!!!

- illusiOn!

( All fiction )

My head touching sky feet on the ground!

 

• Right so i guess many days have been passed without me talking to you… its been long yes I know but things were unbearable. I love you so much for listening to my hidden fears. I know I am being very unpredictable person . Sitting out in open air with just chair in whole place as the only furniture I love things ..

without me talking to you… its been long yes I know but things were unbearable. I love you so much for listening to my hidden fears. I know I am being very unpredictable person . Sitting out in open air with just chair in whole place as the only furniture I love things .. But life isn't easy I must say and even I am not that easy. I even don’t know what I am writing, will that be making any sense even or not but if today I didn't write today I will be like killing myself somewhere deep down in me..

- illusiOn ~

Mulaqaat!

Mujhe naheen pata zindagi ki taraf qadam barha rahi hon ya anjam ki kuch bi nhn teh. Naheen yeh bhi khabar k ayinda anay walay dino main yunhi reh paon gi bhi ya naheen. Ala-zarfi hon ya naheen ye bhi naheen pata ik shoor hai andar barpa mujhe naheen kahabr k kal kia hoga na he kuch fikr hai bas ik khauf hai jo andr pal raha hai . Mujhe wo din yad atay hain jab zindagi ki fikrain mukhtasar or khoobsurat hoti theen. Jab fridge main pepsi khatum honay or chocolate na milnay se ziyada bura kuch naheen hota tha. Guriya jab koi bhai tor deta tha to baba boht danta karte thay or yaqeen delaty thay k bas kal he nayi guriya la k den ge pehle se behtr pehli wali se achi. Umr barhi, fikron ka daira taveel hoa or aj ye alam hai k ye dil roz tot’ta hai or koi dekhnay wala bhi naheen. In palkon pe roz moti atkay rehte hain koi poochta he naheen. Mujhe phir se wahan jana hai jab logon se pyar kia jata tha or cheezon ko istemal. Jab kisi k janay ka koi dar  naheen hota tha jab istemal or mohabbat dono cheezain khalis theen. Naheen mumkin main ab ja paon na he saans le paon , ye banjar zameen taweeel safar ……

- illusiOn ~

Aggression!

I am so bloody F***** with work. My eyes are paining and I am going through disastrous mental torture… I  know I know its’ all my fault there was no need of me going to Shaistas’ place. I mean when I participate in all this kind of work I don’t. Now its 2:08 am and me doing my work like an idiot. I want to run away … with no one but me. Is it possible? I am trying to work out but unfortunately I cant… Ah! man…

- illusiOn ~

:(

So its another week, another MONDAY! day is so far good though I have loads of stuff to do. Script, sketches', pasting's ah ! I am packed …

People they’re i guess odd for me only. I don't know why but things are going smooth. I hope they turn into something good. Life is tricky. I love watching things while passing them. Van is fun… especially when I have Arooba with me :) though my driver sucks.. I hate when I have to stay back and ask him to drop me back… I wrried having Mid’s from 8th March ‘10

So far, So good!

I am not at all sure if its just me or everyone do feel so that when things arise they do have a downfall too. Yes! I am definitely not an angel but, when I claim to be one? I am as insane as teenagers of my age could be. I am sick of being pampered when there is certainly no need of being so. Love comes with pampering stuff, does it? I might be getting too daft about it but that's what I am feeling so far.

Tuesday was surprisingly great to me this week. Had a hilarious day, all thanks to my fellows. RA was in mood today, had so many clicks… :) but then again I went to that same phase. I may not be good in beliefs but I have my own and hates sharing it with others. I never degraded anyone’s religion or faiths and it hurts when someone do so. I love writing in dark … May be because that way I am unable to evoke my self. Though my life soothing down. Going on a track smoothly so far but again there is speed breaker knows as paper on FRIDAY!

- illusiOn~

FReaky Monday!

So finally, the freaky Monday ended… The weather was amazing since morning and I was glad to have some clicks… My driver was late and I got a chance to enjoy the weather. LA’s lecture was boring but THANK GOD! I was sitting next to some fun loving people. Hats off to them, though they disturbed me a lot and we even made each others fun but altogether, day was coool.  LA taught us editing and they made fun about every other thing.

Next is CTT, lets see what is stored for me for TUESDAYS…

- illusiOn!

..

Ok! so finally FEBUARY is here. No writings, poems total blockage. I don’t know how time fly but it does. I have a paper on FRIDAY 12th and don't know the a of ECONOMICS… Tough days!

- illusiOn~

Hmm

I pass that road daily, each day with sleepy eyes and groggy. Today but was an odd day neither I could nor I could take my eyes off from the road. Quickly we were heading towards are destination  but with every single object pass the urge of discovering the emotion called ‘LOVE’ hit me deep down with intensity. I have been known as THE FEELINGLESS person in history from some very close people. I wont be saying there statement doesn't matter to me but yes, they no longer effects me. OK! so we were discussing some love things. I am certainly not sure why certain feeling of knowing LOVE hit me this morning but yes! I enjoyed noticing things that I never did previously .. :)

- illusiOn ~

:(

I have been trying hard to write something, but it seems quite impossible for me now as things are hard to control. Schedule of mine seems to out of hand. The life is totally changed. Its nothing like I am unhappy or something, its just that I am way too busy in different things. Totally different surrounding, way different courses, rules, materials ah!

I want to write but I don’t have single idea what to write..

 

 

-illusiOn~

ah!

Ahh so the tough schedule is on. After so many days of ease now my tough days started. So much to do, so much work.. ahhh.. I want to write yes! but then I am left with no choice. but I really miss all my blog friends..

A late Welcome..

Its been long since i walk away from blogging without any reason perspective or a date of return. But I had to return with no choice left. So, year 2009 passes with many sad and happy memories, taken away loads with it and leaving me behind. 2009, if I start counting what I loss I will forget what achieve. From Tainted love to Alpi & Andi it filled my heart and my needs, A writer is always pleased by the characters that not only magnifies its readers but also they in for a long. I regret my grand mothers death yes! i lost two very precious gifts of Allah both at the very start and the very of 2009. I always loved the way i see things but 2009 changed me a lot. I am pleased to see my reflection today as not only its better but its also enlarged. Alot of phases that I have been through opened enclosed chapters of reality. With whatever happened I am happy to welcome 2010 ..

- illusiOn~